Domestic Abuse and the NFL

Posted in Victims continue to be victims with tags , , , on September 10, 2014 by yvonnemason

As a survivor of domestic abuse I have followed the total insanity of the Ray Rice case with extreme interest. After watching the released video and after watching the body language of both Rice and his now wife Janey I am more convinced than ever that he still has a hold on her. Maybe it is all the money he was making, maybe it is the prestige of being the “wife of a NFL player” or maybe he continues to emotionally lord over her.

She stated that this was a private matter and that she wanted it to stay that way- My answer to that is “No, Maam” it is not a private matter. First that ceased to be when he knocked you out in public and then when he dragged you out of the elevator like a piece of trash and left your legs in the door to be cut off by the doors – second domestic abuse is not a private matter. That is has been part of the problem for years. IT was the dirty little secret no one talked about.

Domestic abuse effects everyone in the family and all the friends. It is not a private matter- it is very public and it is very wrong.

If Janey Rice stops thinking about herself and starts thinking about that sweet little girl she will see that the cycle has to be broken. That baby will grow up thinking that people who love and respect each other should hit each other. Well, that is not how it is done.

I was listening to the pundts last night and one of them asked if after he goes to “counseling” should he be allowed to return to the field. My answer is no. An abuser is like an addict- they will always have that desire to hit – and they will always have those triggers- if he goes back to the field what is to stop him from doing it again. How do we know he is not mentally and emotionally abusing her now? We don’t – but we do see the body language it smacks of abuse and blame. I guarantee that he is blaming her for all of this and for the loss of his job. It is never the abusers fault it is always the fault of the victim.

Here is a woman who should have gotten out before the marriage and didn’t – I do not see this coming to any good end. The more pressure that is put on Rice the more the volcano is building the pretty soon it will be even uglier than before especially when the money runs out.

Domestic Abuse is never a PRIVATE MATTER! It is always public!

The Provacation Quandry

Posted in Being part of the problem not part of the solution, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on August 3, 2014 by yvonnemason

For the past week the comment by Stephen A Smith concerning women not provoking men into a altercation has been rolling around in my head like a pinball machine. To add to that was Whoopi Goldberg’s comment about women hitting a man and putting her self into a position of being abused.

I have had several discussions with my husband about both of these comments and have come to this conclusion. Unless someone has been the receiver of an abuser’s uncontrolled wrath they cannot fully understand the word abuse- not in word, thought or deed.

Stephen A Smith’s word of “provoke” is relative. Women who are abused don’t have to do anything to provoke an abuser. In fact when they do nothing it will without fail get them abused. Smith does not understand that a woman who is abused only has to exist to be abused. She can say “good morning” or “what would you like for dinner?” to become the recipient of an altercation. On the other hand she can just walk into a room and become the recipient of an altercation. Provocation is lack of word or action as well as word or action.

Whoppi Goldberg’s statement that a woman should not  put herself in a man’s place in regards to physical altercations is again so off the wall it is laughable. To begin with if a woman who is an abuser her mate will not fight back- again this is relative. If she is not an abuser and for whatever poor excuse hits a man- he should be strong enough to either restrain her or to walk away.

As a survivor of domestic abuse- I am appalled that people who have no idea what happens in an abusive relationship think they can sit in judgement of those who are abused. What they do not understand is this is something that is subtle in its origin. It does not happen overnight. By the time it gets to the physical stage it has already morphed from a mental and emotional state.

So with that being said for Stephen A Smith and Whoopi Goldberg to make statements for which they apparently know nothing about- is not only appalling it is offensive to those of us who are survivors and to those who have not yet been able to find the strength to get out. It is even more appalling to those women who have been murdered due to domestic abuse.

If these two individuals are so concerned about domestic violence they should start not support groups- but groups to empower women who have been in the abyss and come out on the other side empowered. They should help them to help other women who cannot get out yet. They should teach them how to be mentors to those women. Having  Domestic Violence hotlines is all well and good. However, if the cops are called to a home more times that not both go to jail and the children get taken by the state.

IF a woman has a survivors number on speed dial- she can text 911 to that person and it is the code to not only go get her and the children but to bring a trusted police officer to the scene for safety. Keep Child Protective services out of the equation and get them to the safe house and stand by their side every step of the way until they are strong enough to be empowered on their own. Yes, this is a challenge. Instead of talking the talk these two people need to walk the walk.

Women and men who are abused didn’t ask for it, they did not provoke it and they are not deserving of it. Until you have walked in our shoes you have not right to judge, talk as if you are the expert or give an opinion on this subject. Until you have been a victim with broken bones, broken hearts and crushed spirits then you have to expertise in this matter. Do not try to give advice because you only come out of it looking foolish.

A wise person once told me if you are not part of  the solution you are part of the problem. These two individuals have become part of the problem. They have said without saying that abuse is okay!!!!!

Amber Has No Clue As to What She is Talking About

Posted in Child Protective Services Part of the Abuse with tags , , , on December 5, 2013 by yvonnemason

This comment was let on a post that had been posted a couple of years ago about my grandchildren – my three granddaughters who were stolen by Jackson County, Ga DCF. Yes, they were stolen and yes they were given to a new family. And yes this family gets a check for them every month until they turn 18. The woman they live with Donna Webb is not their real mother. She is the woman who in collusion with Jackson County DCF stole and my grandchildren so she could make money off them until they turned 18. So Amber before you go making statements you know nothing about you better do your homework. I know they exactly where they live and this kidnapping started out in Jackson County. Yes I do know this story is true I lived every nightmare of  every  day of it. As did their mother. So do not tell me that I do not know what I am talking about. You are the one who does not know what you are talking about. Get your facts straight before you make statements like this. And no they were never abused by their mother.

Amber commented on Jackson County Georgia DFCS You Have Been Put On Notice- You Are Going to Be Exposed for Your Abuse

The 3 girls in this pic ARE NOT in DFCS custody! They are in full custody of their mother! This pic isn’t even current… Are you sure this story is even true! Because I know that part isn’t! For a fact! They don’t even live in Jackson county!

The Jodi Arias Trial

Posted in The consequences of the Jodi Arias trial on the abused with tags , , on April 13, 2013 by yvonnemason

I have watched this nationally televised trial for a while.  As I have watched it I have become more and more appalled at the tactics used to get this woman off. She claims she acted in self defense when she killed Travis Alexander. After looking at all of the crime scene photos, hearing the testimony and watching her body language I want to smack her myself.

She and the expert witnesses have pushed us as survivors back into the dark ages of domestic abuse. She was not abused. She was the abuser. She used sex which was Travis Alexander’s weakness to lead him on. The used mind games to keep him dancing. She knew he was a player and she knew that he would never marry her. She also knew he had sexual fantasies and when she could no longer keep him on a string by making those come true she pre-meditated to kill him in cold blood.

First she cut her finger on a glass at work, then she cut her finger on apples. She lied about being at his house. After killing him and cleaning up the crime scene she went to Utah to sleep with an old boyfriend as her alibi. This woman is a disgrace to abused women everywhere. She manipulated and lied. That is what abusers do. She is narcissistic and a psychopath. She had no remorse and she plainly stated she would never be convicted.

To add to this comedy of abuse, Alyce LaViolette as well as Dr Samuels became sucked into her lies. They were conned by her demeanor and her smile. Ms. LaViolette was the sixth person the defense asked to look at the case file to see if she would testify. She is not a psychologist or psychiatrist, which were the first six who were asked to take the case and they refused,  she is only a counselor.

Sadly Ms. LaViolett’s hatred of men comes across loud and clear. It didn’t matter that Jodi has lied since she was a teen, it didn’t matter that she lied about the killing not once but twice. It didn’t matter that she was complicit in the phone sex tapes, that she was the one who did the taping. She was still the “abused”. Travis was the bad guy. He was the one who lied and seduced her.

As a survivor of domestic abuse I have seen all the classic signs of the abuse from Jodi. She killed him because he was getting away from her and getting on with his life. She stalked him. She arrived at his house uninvited couldn’t get in so he looked in his windows and saw him with another woman. It enraged her.  She knew she had to kill him or punish him for leaving her. Then when he decided to take another woman to Mexico that was the last straw.

This trial and Ms. LaViolette and Jodi are going to put true domestic abuse victims back into the closet. They will not come forward they will not report abuse, and they will die. This is wrong on so many levels. We have fought long and hard to be protected and to face out abusers without fear of reprisals and now this.

Am I angry? Yes I am. Jodi had several years to decide her defense- she knew that was the only possible one she might get away with. She had several years to build her lies from the “broken finger” to he body slammed me. I have been body slammed – you don’t get up from that for a while especially on a tile floor. She stole the gun- she had the gun and the knife on her person. She staged it all from the photos of him in the shower to the murder. She has used her parents as scapegoats in her drama of self preservation, she has used ex boyfriends and now professionals. This woman knows exactly what she is doing and why. She has never been abused a day in her life. If she had she would have relived it on the stand and it would have been emotional not flatlined.

Those of you who are in an abusive situation- be warned- you are being pushed back into the dark ages. If you can get out now.

new project in progess http://ow.ly/iWAp

Posted in Uncategorized on March 14, 2013 by yvonnemason

new project in progess http://ow.ly/iWApm

2012 in review

Posted in Uncategorized on December 30, 2012 by yvonnemason

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 4,800 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 8 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Seriously! The Judge is that Stupid! Unbelievable!

Posted in articles with tags , , , on May 15, 2012 by yvonnemason

  • When I read this article, I was appalled at the complete and utter stupidity of the Judge and prosecutor in this case. Her husband had already been arrested twice for domestic violence. Sure those who have not been there have no idea what they are saying when they say “you could have left.”  It is not easy, especially after the husband has already say “If  I can’t have you no one else will.”
  • No one knows the emotional and mental torture this woman has endured. Even if she could have left he would have found her. Judge she did the only thing she knew how. It is time to stop this stupidity of punishing a woman who has already been punished enough by a man simply because he can. You Judge have become part of the problem not the solution. Instead of locking her up why not lock him up and throw away the key. You just enabled him and made his prediction come true- “He couldn’t have her so now no one else can.”
  • “Stand your  Ground” defense fails in Florida shooting case

ReutersBy Amy Wimmer Schwarb | Reuters – 11 hrs ago

JACKSONVILLE, Florida (Reuters) – Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law is coming under more scrutiny, this time in a case involving a woman sentenced to 20 years in prison after firing a gun in the direction of her abusive husband.

Marissa Alexander was sentenced last week after a Florida judge rejected her defense citing the “Stand Your Ground” law, which allows people to use deadly force in a case where a person is attacked or believes his life or safety is in danger.

The controversial law, first enacted in Florida and now in effect in more than 20 other states, has come under growing criticism after the shooting death of unarmed black teenager Trayvon Martin in February.

Alexander, a 31-year-old mother of three, claimed in court that she fired a warning shot into the ceiling of a house after her husband threatened her and moved in her direction. The husband was not hit.

In issuing the ruling, the judge said Alexander could have escaped the situation instead of firing her gun.

Florida’s minimum-sentence guidelines require Alexander to serve 20 years in prison because a gun was fired in the incident.

A member of the U.S. House of Representatives, the local chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People and an advocacy group opposed to minimum prison sentencing guidelines have all rallied behind Alexander, calling her sentence harsh.

Greg Newburn, Florida project director for Families Against Mandatory Minimums, said under the sentencing guidelines Alexander would not be granted early release or opportunities for parole.

“I operate under the assumption, for argument’s sake, that even if everything the state attorney alleges is true, the 20-year sentence is still obscene,” Newburn said.

“I don’t argue that the sentence is unjust because she is innocent, I argue that the sentence is unjust because it does not fit the circumstances.”

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Representative Corrine Brown of Florida, who attended the sentencing, issued a statement criticizing the prison term.

“If women who are victims of domestic violence try to protect themselves, the ‘Stand Your Ground’ law will not apply to them,” she said.

“Just minutes before the incident, Marissa’s husband told her ‘If I can’t have you, nobody is going to have you.’ Millions of abused women have heard those words.”

Alexander alleged that during the August 1, 2010, incident her husband choked her and refused to let her leave the house. She said she eventually escaped to the garage, then realized she left her car keys behind and returned, carrying a handgun.

The office of Florida State Attorney Angela Corey said evidence at the scene suggested the shot was fired in a more threatening direction and put at risk two children who were also in the home at the time.

Corey said she offered Alexander a plea deal for a three-year sentence, but she refused. “She turned it down through a trial where she took the stand and, based on our assertion of the facts and based on our presentation of the evidence, she was found guilty,” Corey said.

Relatives of Alexander say she plans to appeal and intends to take her case to Florida’s clemency board, which has broad powers to reduce sentences or even pardon convicted criminals.

Alexander had no prior criminal record and possessed a court-issued protective order against her husband at the time of the attack.

Alexander’s husband, Rico Gray, was arrested in 2006 and 2009 on charges of domestic battery.

Martin was shot to death by a neighborhood watch volunteer, George Zimmerman, in an Orlando suburb and authorities initially declined to arrest the shooter because of Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law.

The decision prompted nationwide protests and Zimmerman, who is white and Hispanic, was later charged with second-degree murder by Corey and arrested.

(Editing by Kevin Gray and Mohammad Zargham)

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