Lakewood Park woman whose husband tried to kill her fights for life in hospital

FORT PIERCE — A woman whose estranged husband allegedly tried to kill her before he committed suicide was in “severely critical” condition Thursday afternoon at Lawnwood Regional Medical Center and Heart Institute. Authorities say William Beck, 54, used a .32-caliber gun to shoot his wife Jacqueline Beck, 54, twice — once in the face and once in the chest — before killing himself about 5 p.m. Wednesday in his home in the 8400 block of Fort Walton Boulevard in the Lakewood Park community. Jana Eschbach, a spokeswoman for the hospital, confirmed Jacqueline Beck’s condition Thursday afternoon. William Beck was pronounced dead at the scene. The couple were married but not living together. According to detectives, Jacqueline Beck came to William Beck’s home at his request, planning to tell him she wanted a divorce. Following a physical altercation, William Beck shot his wife and then shot himself in the head, deputies said. The gun was found under William Beck’s body.

Alice Samantha Thomason and her three Children continue to be abused by Jackson County DFCS and the Foster Parent

I asked my daughter Samantha that question after she told me her little one Carly was having accidents. Carly is four years old and has been potty trained for two years. My first thought is the most obvious one.That being is she being abused in the foster home? If not then the idea of being away from her mother is causing her severe mental and emotional stress. This again is just one of the many ways DFCS abuses the children of the parents they take away. Samantha has no idea what is wrong with her child. She has no idea if she is being abused. This is agonizing for her. It is torture for her. I also found out that the foster parents Donna and Vince Webb of Commerce Ga make my daughters three children call them mom and dad. They are not the children’s parents- Samantha is. Again this is just another way for DFCS to separate the children from their mother. Samantha’s go between at Tree house where she visits her children sent an email to Stephanie Smith the case worker for Jackson County GA DFCS to ask for Samantha to have more time with her children when she goes to visit them – Stephanie didn’t even have the professional manners to respond. Still another tatic to separate Samantha from her children. It is these sly and underhanded tatics used to force Samantha to sign away her rights. This is not going to happen. They are going to have to charge her with criminal charges and hand over the evidence of which there is not any. Because they entered her home illegally without a warrent. So any evidence is tainted. Hence no case. Last but not least Samantha’s PD Crandell Heard has washed his lazy hands of her. He has now become part of the problem – Next step calling him out. He refuses to answer any emails or phone calls.

 

Newest update: Stephanie Smith Samantha’s case worker went by her house today. What a surprise- Stephanie told Samantha she was leaving at the end of December. This will make the 8th case worker Samantha has been inolved with. Talking about abuse. Or wait, maybe they know what they are doing and know it is wrong. No, I don’t think so.

 I also found out that when they came to Samantha’s house to pick up the children they had no warrant. hmmm illegal search and seizure. I am pushing for them to charge her with a crime- and when they do it all will be tossed out –    

 

Jackson County Georgia DFCS You Have Been Put On Notice- You Are Going to Be Exposed for Your Abuse

Jackson County DFCS you have been put on notice. We are coming after you through TV, Government, letters and newspapers. We are tired of you buying and selling our children and grandchildren. A copy of this letter has been sent to the Atlanta Journal, Senator Lee Hawkins, Gov. Sonny Perdue, Jackson Herald, WSB TV, WXIA TV, Channel Five Fox News. It is time to expose the crimes of the State of Ga. in the buying and selling of children. The three children in the picture are next on the auction block of Jackson County DFCS – They are trying to put them up for sale.

WSB TV
1601 W Peachtree St
Atlanta, Ga.

Yvonne Mason
578 SE Ocean Spray Ter
Port St Lucie, Fl. 34983

Dear News Director,

My name is Yvonne Mason. I am a published author but most importantly I am a mother and a grand -mother.
The purpose of this letter is to let your news station know about a travesty that is getting ready to occur in Jackson County,Ga. A travesty that should be criminal.
That travesty is this. My youngest daughter Alice Samantha Thomason had her three small children taken from her by Jackson County DFCS. They refuse to charge her with criminal charges, but yet they continue to threaten her about signing over her rights as a parent.
From the first day these children were placed in the home of the foster mother Donna Webb who also lives in Jackson County she was told they would be available for adoption by the children’s advocate Dedra Shands and Rebecca Boles of COSA. They are not up for adoption.
I couldn’t figure out how or why they would make this kind of statement. Well, after much research I found out. There was an act signed into law in the 1990’s when Bill Clinton was in the White House. This law is named Adoption and Safe Families Act. This act states that instead of DFCS acting to help reunite families they are to work to have the parents sign them over. The reason is the DFCS receives between $4000.00 to 18000.00 per child when they go up for adoption (legal buying of children) Then the adoptive parents receive between 500.00- 700.00 per child until that child is 18 years old. This amount is even more when there are special needs involved. This is allowed under the TITLE IV Funding Act.

In my grandchildren’s case they created special needs. The oldest child was placed on meds for Alledged ADHD.

The state preys on the poor and uneducated to gain the buying and selling of children to line their coffers. The people at the County level involved in this are Stephanie Smith Case Work. She is the sixth case worker my daughter has had. She is now on her seventh case plan. Whenever she gets one plan almost completed they throw another one at her so she will never get done. This is to make it easier to beat her down. They are also forcing her to take mind altering drugs because they say she is bipolar. They are doing this so she will be in a zombie like state so she will sign over her children.

She was in a very abusive relationship and has just gotten out of it. She doesn’t need any more abuse from the state. That is a whole different story. The bottom line is the state has become the abuser instead of the father of her children. Instead of helping her get out – get a place to live and get her grounded they are abusing her by threats, intimidation and lack of legal council.

The other people from the state involved are Judge Joe Guidry, Family Court, Elizabeth Patrick Supervisor DFCS Jackson County, D.M. Brandon COSA.

Once someone has their children yanked by DFCS they are not allowed to see any alleged evidence, they are not allowed to bring witnesses in court to testify on their behalf, they are not allowed discovery ergo they have no way to fight the alleged charges against them. DFCS will never file criminal charges because if they do then they have to turn over the evidence and this is not something they want to do. The reason, they will be found out.

Samantha’s PD is one Candrell Heard who is with the Jackson County PD’s office. He can’t even get the records from DFCS – They say they are covered under the confidentiality clause. Even a murderer or rapist or pedophile is allowed discovery and allowed to face their accuser.

I have contacted the Governor’s office several times – to no avail they keep passing the buck to The STATE OF GEORGIA . They in turn pass the buck. The reason is simple they are covering up the fact that they are trying to make money off of my three grandchildren. A Total of up to 18,000.00

Samantha is currently living with her older sister. She has tried to get in touch with SECTION 8 Housing and can never get through. She has applied for several jobs, but as we all know the economy is so bad most people can’t even get a job paying attention.
When she was in front of the kangaroo Panel last Friday which consisted of Elizabeth Patrick, D.M. Brandon and a few others she was again threatened, harassed and intimidated. She was not allowed to have her attorney with her. She was not allowed to have witnesses present and she was not allowed to fight for her children. They told her she had until the end of the month before they demanded she sign them over.
I need your help in exposing the buying and selling of her children by the State of Georgia. I need your help in showing what they do to the poor and uneducated. This is not the first time it is happening all over the country. I have hundreds of stories. They prey on the poor and uneducated they beat them down and rip them apart. They abuse the parent and the child.

In Samantha’s case, they took the place of her abusive boyfriend only they are worse.
She can be reached at her sister’s house 706- 983-1171 – They live on Grove Level Rd in Maysville, Ga.

I will be leaving to go out of the County from Nov 22-Dec 6 I can be reached at ysam51@yahoo.com my home phone is 772-879-3400 my cell is 770-289-9537.

This is not right. I will be sending a copy of this letter to the other stations , as well as others.
I am begging for your help. She nor her children deserve this abuse. They love her and she loves them. Her only crime was she is poor and she was abused.

Regards,

Yvonne Mason

Jackson County Georgia Department of Family and Child Services The Abuse Continues

These are the Victims of the Abuse of Jackson County DFCS

Last week Samantha had to go before a panel in Jackson County, Georgia. This panel was comprised of Elizabeth Patrick the superivsor of Jackson County, Ga. DFCS and D. M. Brandon of COSA. Along with others.

The job of this panel was set up to emotionally abuse my daughter Samantha even more. Now for those of you who have no idea what happens when someone loses their children, they are not allowed to face their accusers, they are not allowed to see the charges and they are not allowed to present their witnesses either in court or in front of this kangaroo panel. The parent can been threatned, insulted and verbally abused and they can’t do anything about it.

   When Samantha was in front of this panel Rebecca Boles from COSA told Samantha that it was time she signed over her rights as a parent to basicly the three girls could be sold to an adoptive family for the sum of roughly $18,000.00 per the Adoptin and Safe Families Act.

  To add to the abuse of Samantha, DFCS is trying to force her to take meds for a bi polar disorder which she doesn’t have.  None of these people are qualifed to make that kind of decision. They don’t understand that our family is very drug sensitive and drugs affect us differently than most people. Samantha has told them the drugs make her like a zombie. This is just another trick to keep her from being on her toes to fight the injustice and the crimes DFCS is trying to perpatrate on her. They figure if she is drugged up then she will sign over her children. That is not going to happen.     

 

  Diedra Shands who is an advocate for the children sat in that room and never opened her mouth. Stephanie Smith Samantha’s case worker dropped her head and remained silent as well. These two women have been part of the abuse of Samantha since day one along with Rebeeca Boles and the entire office of Jackson County Georgia DFCS.

    I have written four letters to Judge Guidry who is the Family Court Judge in Samantha’s defense and he hasn’t even had the professional courtesty to respond. When she went to court she had witnesses there to speak on her behalf and Diedra Shands asked the Judge not to allow them in the courtroom.

    The day of the panel the Foster Mother Donna Webb brought Samantha’s girls and the little one who is five refused to have anything to do with her mother. This is abuse in it’s simplest and worst form. The state is the abuser. The foster mother is not far behind. She was told by Deidra and Rebecca that the children would be up for adoption. To add insult to injury Samantha’s lawyer was not there to watch her back. I have no idea where he was. He is becoming part of the problem as well. He doesn’t return emails or phone calls.  

     When Samantha went in front of the panel she was told that her oldest childest Shawna had been put on Ritlin as well as another mind altering drug simply because the foster mother didn’t want to deal with her. Sam was never notified. Again abuse. Shawna has never been tested by a psychologist who speicilizes in children with disiblities. It was prescribed by a regular doctor. They are going to not only retard her brain, but break her spirit as well. Again the abuse continues.

         This is just the beginning. My next blog will be about all the letters I have sent out to Gov. Sonny Perdue, the  senator for that district, all the TV stations in Atlanta and the newspapers. It is time for the abuse to come to a halt. It is time for DFCS to learn they have no right to steal children and then sell them to the highest bidder. They can’t continue to make their payroll on the backs of poor women.

         Not only is Samantha being abused by DFCS her children are too. They are being denined their mother and a quality of life they are entitled to with her. They are being denined the love of their mother. They are being rasied by strangers who could care less about them. All they want is the money they will receive if they adopt them which comes to between 500-700.00 per month per child until they are 18 years old again this is thanks to the Adoption and Safe Famlies Act which was Signed into law by William Jefferson Clinton when he was in the White House.

       This is more than a tragedy it is a travesty. It should be criminal. Even rapist and murders are allowed to face their accusers. They can’t hide behind the clock of anninimity – It is time to make DFCS face the fact that they have no right to do this to women who have children and who are poor or abused by their partners.

    IT is time to fight back

He Was Supposed to Protect and Defend Instead He Threatened and Harm

DELRAY BEACH, Fla. — A Delray Beach police officer has been arrested on aggravated assault and battery charges.

Roldry Philias

Boynton Beach police said Roldry Philias, 34, choked his wife and pointed a gun at her in front of her son and their 11-month-old daughter during a domestic dispute at their home Thursday.

According to a probable cause affidavit, Philias’ wife told police she and her husband had been arguing throughout the day. When she attempted to leave, Philias let the air out of her vehicle’s tires, tampered with the engine and locked her in the garage.

Police said that as Philias’ wife was trying to get back in the house, Philias placed her in a choke hold, retrieved one of his guns from the kitchen cabinet and pointed it at her head, threatening her.

During an interview with detectives, according to the affidavit, the son of Philias’ wife said Philias pointed a gun at “my mommy’s face and mouth” and “pulled a knife on me.”

According to the affidavit, Philias denied pointing a gun at her or assaulting her and said his wife pressed a knife against his stomach.

Delray Beach police said Philias has been placed on paid administrative leave until further notice.

The Abuse Continues and Jackson County Georgia Child Protective Services is the Abuser

These are the children who are on the auction block by Jackson County DFCS in Jackson County Georgia

As most of you know my daughter Samantha Thomason has written a couple of blogs on this site. Well things for her have gotten worse. Jackson County Georgia Department of Family and Children Services are trying to strong arm her into signing over her children. They have no grounds for this stealing of her children. However, they are going to try and sell her children under the guise of the Adoption and Safe Families Act which was signed into law by Bill Clinton which gives the county up to 6000.00 per child that is adopted out. To add insult to injury the adopting family will make between 500- 700.00 per month per child until they reach 18 years old.

  They have become bigger abusers than her boyfriend ever was.    

  Jackson County Georgia along with Rebecca last name unknown, Stephanine Smith DFCS case worker and Deidre last name unknown  have now become the abusers. Instead of giving Samantha a hand up they are punishing her because she is poor, the economy is bad and jobs are non existent in Jackson County – and housing  has a waiting line three days long. The family court judge refuses to listen and refuses to allow her any witnesses.

    DFCS uses the excuse that the records are protected and her laywer can’t even get them as discovery. The reason they have no case. However, they continue to brow beat her- mentally abuse her threaten her and intimadate her – trying to force he to sign away her children.

    This should be illegal they should be charged with abuse.

   They won’t charge her with a criminal act because if they do then they have to turn over the files in discovery and they have no case.

    It is time for her to stop being abused by the system. It is time they give her the children back and shut this thing down.

    They will be responsible for the consequences .

Yvonne Mason,

Tragedy In Tin Can Holler By Rozetta Mowery – A True Story of Abuse

“Tragedy in Tin Can Holler” is a captivating must read true story of a family’s past transgressions revealing a family member who was a serial killer that got away with murder during the great depression, incest and child abuse, lies and betrayals and domestic violence buried for decades! The vicious murder of the author’s mother haunted her for 48 years, but discovering the truth about her mother’s murder was just the tip of the iceberg. Her story is spell-bounding as she unveils the hidden secrets that shocked the residents of 3 counties in southeast Tennessee. This book has also been made into a documentary. This hard cover version has some new material.

Man Who Threatend GirlFriend With a Knife Given Three Years Probation

This is a grave injustice for the victim. This is also why domestic abuse victims don’t report abuse. Next time he will probably finish the job. This is a travesty.

 

 

FORT PIERCE — A 56-year-old man accused of holding a former girlfriend down by the throat and cutting her was sentenced Thursday to three years’ probation. Donald W. Gayle, 56, of Port St. Lucie, originally had been charged with attempted murder in connection with the April 7 incident. At a hearing Thursday before Circuit Judge Dan Vaughn, he pleaded no contest to a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. According to a Port St. Lucie Police Department report, Gayle and the 46-year-old woman lived in a house with at least one other roommate. Gayle reportedly asked the woman if she had a new boyfriend and she said no. According to the report, Gayle held her down on a bed by her neck and made “aggressive attacking motions with the knife trying to stab her,” saying he was going to kill her. Powell sustained minor cuts on her left wrist and upper back before a roommate broke up the altercation. When the woman tried to leave, Gayle reportedly grabbed a knife and followed her but dropped it when the roommate told him to.

Another Reason That Proves TRO’s Don’t Work

Man faces charges of kidnapping wife again By Dewayne Patterson The Daily Sentinel Published October 27, 2009 – Updated 53 minutes ago A Rainsville man is in the Jackson County Jail on a $300,500 bond after being charged with kidnapping his estranged wife for the second time this month. According to Captain Eric Woodall, James Aubrey Brown, 61, arrived at his estranged wife’s home on County Road 81 in Flat Rock Friday. “He allegedly forced the wife and her mother into the home,” Woodall said. “Then he took the wife and left in a vehicle.” Brown was arrested later in the day by the Rutherford County Sheriff’s Department in Tennessee. “His wife was with him,” Woodall said. “She was uninjured.” Brown was charged with two counts of Kidnapping First Degree and Violation of Protection Order. He was transported to the Jackson County Jail Friday. This is the second time this month Brown has been charged with violating a protection order. On Oct. 7, Brown was charged after allegedly breaking into his wife’s home and holding her at knife point. He left the residence at some point and was later arrested at Caperton Chapel Church on County Road 14 in the Fabius community. Brown was currently out on bond after being charged with Burglary First Degree, Kidnapping First Degree and Violation of Protection Order.

Becoming a Survivor of Domestic Abuse instead of a Victim

It is funny how words define who a person is and how they make their way in the world. It is also funny how others precieve a person who has survived domestic abuse.  The typical tag for those of us who have been in abusive relationships is “Victim”. I agree we were victims when we were in that relationship. We were victims when we were physically beat until we wanted to die. We were victims when those abusers manipulated, and conned us. We were victims.

   However, that all changed when we were able to get out and cut those ties. I no longer chooses to be a victim. That word breeds all kinds of emotional baggage. It also sets me up to continue to be a victim in other relationships. It is like wearing a sign that says “Here I am Abuse Me.” I instead choose to say I am a survivor of Domestic Abuse. That word means that while I might have been abused I came through it. I no longer allow another human man or woman to mentally, emotionally or physically harm me in any way. I no longer allow another person to control what I think – say or do.

     Because I am a survivor I make my own choices, I think my own thoughts and I believe my own beliefs. I know who I am I know what I am about and I know that I am somebody. I am a survivor because he no longer has control.

   Being a survivor I am  capable of handling any situation be it in the work place- personal relationship or anything else that is thrown my way. Because I am a survivor  I no longer allow anyone to talk down to me- at me or through me.   I no longer put up with guilt that is not mine, intimadation, threats or loudness. I don’t have to. I have been there done that and moved on. I am stronger because of the abuse- I know how to fight back and  I know how to take care of myself.

     As a survivor I know that I don’t need anyone to make me special – I am special and I am a good person. A victim on the other hand continues to travel down that rabbit hole of insecurity- self doubt and self loathing. They continue to carry guilt that is not theirs and they continue to allow others to pull their emotional strings. A survivor cuts all of that out of their life. They don’t need it to move on.

      The difference between a survivor and a victim is the victim never learns. They get back into bad relationships, they don’t leave at the first red flag and they don’t love themselves.

      Isn’t it time that you stopped being a victim and started being a survivor- It could mean the difference between life and death.

The Lives of Abused and Battered Women By Barbara Ann Hart

The Lives of Abused and Battered Women

By Author: Barbara Ann Hart

Reviewed by Fran Lewis

When a woman believes that it is okay to become someone’s punching bag she is sending herself a poor message. When a woman feels that she has the inability to place the fault on the person who is punching her and creating the abuse, she needs to rethink and reaffirm her rights as a person and whom she really is.

There are many kinds of abuse that people endure throughout their lives. Whether it is child, sexual, physical, emotion, intimidation or verbal abuse, it is still wrong and the abuser needs to be dealt with and made to realize that their actions and words will not go unpunished.

Emotional abuse is more harmful and detrimental than you think. The scars are hidden and cannot be seen on the outside but  are ever lasting ones that often destroy the person’s self-esteem, self-respect and feelings of self-worth. No one has the right to do this to anyone in any way.

As our author so brilliantly tells her story and shares the many experiences she encountered when dealing with different types of abuse and abusers, we learn some serious lessons that must be taught and remembered by all women. One of the worst things that can happen to a person as described by the author is being made to feel that you are worthless and not good enough to be in anyone’s air space and because of that you deserve the poor hand that you are being dealt. Men often abuse women because they have low self images, low self-esteem and in order to make themselves feel self-important and more in control, they try intimidation, fear, guilt, shame and physical harm in order to take strong, powerful and intelligent women down into the pits of the gutter where these men really reside.

As the author shares many of the true life incidents that she went through and others close to her too,  we learn that men often become violent and abusive when women are more successful than they are, have better jobs, can handle difficult issues better than they can and can move on in many different directions when things do not work out for them. They demean and verbally insult the women causing some women to self-inflict their own abuse on themselves by feeling they deserve to be unhappy when their partner is too. NO YOU ARE NOT!

Women need to realize that who and what they are is just fine. Take a paper and make a list of all the things that you want for yourself and in life and post it on a wall in a room, bulletin board in just in notebook. At the top of the list label it THIS IS WHAT I WANT FOR ME in order to make your life go on an uphill climb. Our author related stories about women who felt the need to put the desires of men ahead of theirs and were often deflated and left alone when the desires were met and they found someone else to fill them in what they feel might be a better way. Take that list and add to it what you want in a partner and the qualities that you both should have to make the relationship work. Then, decide what you need for your success and do not settle for less.

The one thing that my mother taught me and I have never forgotten till this day is to be financially independent of any man whether a husband, boyfriend or anyone and never ask for anything that you cannot get for yourself. Marriage is a definite partnership with each party sharing the responsibilities whether financial, household chores and more. But, when one person forgets his place and decides that mistreating the other is the only way he can find an excuse to wander, leave and default on his responsibilities, it is your job to show him the door and keep it locked or better yet change the locks. She also taught me after many years of learning the hard way, that you must never love someone more than they love you and put your needs at the top of the list.

The message conveyed in this book is meant for  women and men. No one has the right to debase, demoralize or diminish the inner soul, inner being and inner core of another person. There are many gears people use when driving a car and the one that you must never use when dealing in a relationship is reverse. Move ahead and drive and establish yourself as a brave, courageous and independent women who can manage on her own and when she feels the need for companionship it will be on her terms and with the understanding that her rights and feelings will not be violated.

The author tells about women and describes how they cheat with other women’s partners whether married or not. These women are not as self-assured as you would think. They need control and they need to feel important and in order to do that they prey on good; kind and unsuspecting women who they feel are weaker than they are and will succumb to their rude and mentally dismantling ways. Men who cheat do it to feel virile, dominant and in their own terms manlier. Not so, they are just are little boys who want to feel grown up in an adult’s body and if the situation were reversed and you left them, they will not see it as anything that they might have done but blame it on you.

It takes a woman of courage, valor and integrity to open her life and her heart to her readers and share her experiences with us in order to inspire and teach other women and even men that any kind of abuse is wrong and we will not stand for it. Women often demean and can be hurtful when a man loses his job or becomes ill and cannot work. Inexcusable. But, when that same man does not appreciate the loyalty, kindness and compassion afforded to him by his companion or partner, then he needs a lesson in more than just plain humility and kindness. Life is meant to be spent doing what makes us happy and brings joy into our hearts and minds. God is watching over all of us and will always be there when we need him.

Barbara Ann Hart has written a book that is meant to remind us everyone is unique and special in his or her own right. Everyone has a voice and it must never be silenced. Everyone is capable of love and when someone denies you that love or makes you feel less than whom you are, do what you do when you are typing and you make a mistake-DELETE him from your life and start over again.

Here is my message to you:

Barbara you have surely eased the pain of many by writing this book.

Barbara you have made many including this reviewer stronger in mind and heart by having read your book.

Barbara you are an amazing woman who will not stand for anyone hurting her or those close to you. You deserves God’s blessing and strength and kindness.

 

Diamonds are the most precious and valuable stones. Their worth never goes down. To every woman out there: YOU ARE MORE PRECIOUS THAN THE HOPE DIAMOND OR THE LARGEST STONE IN Cartier’s OR HARRY Winston’s. WOMEN UNITE: FAIR WARNING: NEVER AGAIN: NO MORE! WOMEN UNITE: SISTERS ONE AND FOR ALL!

 

This is a great book and I never give stars: I give this book FIVE RAYS OF GOLDEN SUNSHINE: NO MORE CLOUDS OR STORMS IN YOUR LIFE
Fran Lewis: Reviewer

 

The Classic Definition of Abusers is Psychopaths and Pathalogical Liars

As both a survivor of Domestic Abuse and someone who has a degree in Criminal Justice, I have learned the lessons well of the abuser. I know their definition and their habits, their personalities and their give aways probably better than anyone else.

Domestic  abusers are classic psychopaths and pathalogical liars. The definition of a psychopath is someone who “lacks the physiological responses normally ssociated with fear. In other words, they have no fear of pain or punishment for their actions. They don’t even think about the unpleasant emotion or the powerful motivatior behind their actions. They have no ability to see the consequences of what their actions might bring. The phone calls to the police station, being arrested, committing a felony. They just don’t think about it or if they do think about it they don’t really care what happens because they know they will lie their way out of it.

    Abusers, are usually very charming, manipulative and perssasive. They have the uncanny ability to lie their way out of any situation. The one time I was convinced by my abuser to attend counsling- I was told I had the problem. He told the person we were talking with that he had no idea what my problem was. He just couldn’t do anything with me. The counsler agreed with him.

  Abusers know who to play the system. They know how to say and do the right thing to convince others they are not the problem. They use their ablity to weave a story that convices even the most seasoned professional.They use their ablity to lie so well that even professionals are taken in. They know how to make one lie feed into another and yet still another until the threads are so interwoven if there is any truth it is covered up by the lies. Then when they are done, they laugh about how they got one over on the professional.

   Abusers/psychopaths know how to appear dramatic with short lived= shallow emotions. They equate love with sex, sadness with frustration and anger with irritablity.  They have no clue how to emotionaly invest in a relationship.

        Abusers are always psychopaths. They may not always kill – but they will always abuse. They will always lie and they will always charm and manipulate. They will always lack the ablity to fear the consequences and they will always blame others when they are finally brought down.

    They know how to keep the abused under their thumb by using their ablity to lie, charm and manipulate. They are con artist who can make the victim really believe they are the ones who are at fault.

The Definition of Insanity- Doing the Same Thing Over and Over Expecting A Different Result

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over expecting a different result. This is what happens with abuse. The same thing is done over and over and over again and the result is always the same. What do I mean by this you ask.

  The victim finally makes a decision to leave. She has planned and planned and finally she leaves. She gets away from the abuse and starts a new life. All goes well for a while. She has her life in order her children are safe, she is safe and she feels good about her life. She may have a new job, a new set of friends and a new life.

   Then one day there is a knock on the door. He is standing there with flowers, a big smile and all kinds of promises that he is a changed man. He has gotten help, he knows what he did was wrong and all he wants to  is to be friends. “After all they have children together.”

    The children see their dad standing in the door, he looks different he is not threatening their mom and he really looks like he is happy to see everybody. She looks at the children, she sees the expectation in their eyes. She thinks to herself, “I really want him in their life – after all he is their father.” So she lets him in.

  They will just be friends, after all she is stronger, she is safe and she feels protected. What could happen?

    The abuser, is in. Yes, it is just a crack- he is after only going to be there for his children. But he is in. At first he is the perfect person. He understands he must call before he comes over and he must never show up without calling. After all he must respect her. He can only see the kids when it is convienant for her and they will split up the holidays. After all he is their father and he does love them.

    All seems to be working out. He calls when it is his weekend to get the children and a time is agreeded upon for him to pick them up. He will have them home by a certain time. This also works fine for a time.

   After a few weeks, he shows up one day without calling. He says he was just in the neighborhood and wanted to drop off this gift for the kids. Well, okay she thinks just this once but he has to call -. Not a problem he says. The kids are excited, they get to see dad and he has gifts.

   A few weeks later she comes home from a date and after the date leaves, he knocks on the door. He was just in the neighborhood and wanted to know if he could tell the children goodnight. Plus he is going out of town over the weekend and he won’t get to see them before he goes.

    Almost innocently he asks who the guy was that just left. She is still comfortable with this arrangement after all she has changed she is stronger and in control. So she tells him – He says nothing. Shortly he leaves. She doesn’t see him for a couple of weeks, he must have been out of town.

   One night she comes home from a date. He is waiting on her front porch. Awkardly she introduces him to her date. Then she ask what is he doing there. He tells her he just got back into town and wanted to see the kids. She tells him they are at the sitters and he offers to go get them. She tells him they are staying over night. He isn’t happy, but he controls his anger. She tells him that she is free to do whatever she wants to – they are no longer married.

    He leaves the date is uncomfortable and the evening is ruined.

    A few days go by and he drops by again, this time he has no excuse. She tries to get him to leave, he refuses, she says she will call the police. He pulls the phone cord out of the wall. She tries to leave he hits her. The same thing is happening again.

   The insanity has started again. The neighbors hear the fighting they call the police – the police show up and arrest him. She gets another TRO (temporary restraining order) he bails out of jail. He is angier then he was the first time around. He is going to show her. She won’t get away with messing wtih him.

    He shows back up at her house, she is there the children are there the only difference is this time he has a gun.

    The next call to the police include a crime scene unit and body bags.

   The insanity was she did the same thing over and over and expected a different result.

   The Moral- once you are out – stay out- don’t get drawn back into his control. Keep him away from you and any children. He won’t change- he will only kill you!

Domestic Violence Against Men By the Mayo Clinic Staff

Domestic violence against men isn’t always easy to recognize, but it can be a serious threat. Consider ways to break the cycle.

By Mayo Clinic staff

Women are more often the victims of domestic violence — but domestic violence affects men, too. Understand the signs of domestic violence against men, and know how to get help.

Recognize domestic violence against men

Domestic violence — also known as domestic abuse, battering or intimate partner violence — occurs between people in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence against men can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse. It can happen in heterosexual or homosexual relationships.

It might not be easy to recognize domestic violence against men. Early in the relationship, your partner may seem attentive, generous and protective in ways that later turn out to be controlling and frightening. Initially, the abuse may appear as isolated incidents. Your partner may apologize and promise not to abuse you again.

In other relationships, domestic violence against men may include both partners slapping or shoving each other when they get angry — and neither partner seeing himself or herself as being abused or controlled. But this type of violence can still devastate a relationship, causing both physical and emotional damage.

You may be experiencing domestic violence if your partner:

• Calls you names, insults you or puts you down
• Prevents you from going to work or school
• Stops you from seeing family members or friends
• Tries to control how you spend money, where you go or what you wear
• Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful
• Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs
• Threatens you with violence or a weapon
• Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets
• Assaults you while you’re sleeping, drunk or not paying attention to make up for a difference in strength
• Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will
• Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it

You may also be experiencing domestic violence if you’re in a same-sex relationship with a man who:

• Threatens to tell friends, family, colleagues or community members your sexual orientation or gender identity
• Tells you that authorities won’t help a homosexual, bisexual or transgendered person
• Tells you that leaving the relationship means you’re admitting that homosexual relationships are deviant
• Tells you that abuse is a normal part of homosexual relationships or that domestic violence can’t occur in homosexual relationships
• Justifies abuse by telling you that you’re not “really” homosexual, bisexual or transgender
• Says that men are naturally violent
• Portrays the violence as mutual and consensual
• Rationalizes the abuse as part of a sadomasochistic activity

Children and abuse

Domestic violence affects children, even if they’re just witnesses. If you have children, remember that exposure to domestic violence puts them at risk of developmental problems, psychiatric disorders, problems at school, aggressive behavior and low self-esteem. You may worry that seeking help may further endanger you and your children, or that it may break up your family. Fathers may fear that abusive partners will try to take their children away from them. But getting help is the best way to protect your children — and yourself.

Break the cycle

If you’re in an abusive situation, you may recognize this pattern:

• Your abuser threatens violence.
• Your abuser strikes you.
• Your abuser apologizes, promises to change and offers gifts.
• The cycle repeats itself.

Typically the violence becomes more frequent and severe over time.

Domestic violence may leave you depressed and anxious. You may be more likely to abuse alcohol or drugs or engage in unprotected sex. Domestic violence can even trigger suicide attempts. Because men are traditionally thought to be physically stronger than women, you may be less likely to talk about or report incidents of domestic violence in your heterosexual relationship due to embarrassment or fear of ridicule. Similarly, a man being abused by another man may be reluctant to talk about the problem because of how it reflects on his masculinity. Additionally, if you seek help, you may confront a shortage of resources for male victims of domestic violence. Health care providers and other contacts may not think to ask if your injuries were caused by domestic violence, making it harder to open up about abuse. They may minimize the significance of the abuse because you’re a man. You may also fear that if you talk to someone about the abuse, you’ll end up being accused of wrongdoing yourself. But remember, if you’re being abused, you aren’t to blame — and help is available.

Start by telling someone about the abuse, whether it’s a friend, relative, health care provider or other close contact. At first, you may find it hard to talk about the abuse. But you’ll also likely feel relief and receive much-needed support.

Create a safety plan

Leaving an abuser can be dangerous. Consider taking these precautions:

• Call a domestic violence hotline for advice. Make the call at a safe time — when the abuser isn’t around — or from a friend’s house or other safe location.
• Pack an emergency bag that includes items you’ll need when you leave, such as extra clothes and keys. Leave the bag in a safe place. Keep important personal papers, money and prescription medications handy so that you can take them with you on short notice.
• Know exactly where you’ll go and how you’ll get there, even if you have to leave in the middle of the night.

Protect your communication

An abuser may use technology to monitor your telephone and Internet communication and to track your physical location. To maintain your privacy and safety:

• Use cordless phones and cell phones cautiously. Your abuser may intercept calls and listen to your conversations. He or she may check your cell phone to see who has called or texted you. Your abuser also may check billing records to see your complete call history.
• Use your home computer cautiously. Your abuser may use spyware to monitor your e-mails and the Web sites you visit. Consider using a computer at work, at the library or at a friend’s house to seek help.
• Frequently change your e-mail password. Choose a password that would be impossible for your abuser to guess.
• Clear your viewing history. Follow your browser’s instructions to clear any record of Web sites or graphics you’ve viewed.

Where to seek help

In an emergency, call 911, your local emergency number or your local law enforcement agency. The following resources also can help:

• Someone you trust. Turn to a friend, relative, neighbor, co-worker or religious or spiritual advisor for support.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE or 800-799-7233. The hotline provides crisis intervention and referrals to resources.
• Your health care provider. Doctors and nurses will treat injuries and may refer you to other local resources.
• A counseling or mental health center. Counseling and support groups for people in abusive relationships are available in most communities. Be wary of advice to seek couples or marriage counseling. If violence has escalated to the point that you’re afraid, counseling may not be a good option.
• A local court. Your district court can help you obtain a restraining order that legally mandates the abuser to stay away from you or face arrest. Local advocates may be available to help guide you through the process.

Domestic violence against men can have devastating effects. Although you may not be able to stop your partner’s abusive behavior, you can seek help. Remember, no one deserves to be abused.

Facts About Domestic Abuse

Facts About Domestic Violence What is domestic violence? Domestic violence, or intimate partner violence, occurs when one person causes physical or psychological harm to a current or former intimate partner. It includes all acts of violence within the context of family or intimate relationships. Besides being the leading cause of injury to women in the United States (a woman is beaten every 15 seconds), it is an issue of increasing concern because of its negative effect on all family members, especially children. While accurate information on the extent of domestic violence is difficult to obtain because of under-reporting, some aspects of the problem are known: Domestic violence is not confined to any one socioeconomic, ethnic, religious, racial or age group and knows no geographic or educational boundaries. It also occurs within teenage relationships and among same-sex partnerships. About one out of every four women in America will be physically assaulted or raped by an intimate partner at some point in their lives. In fact, American women are more likely to be assaulted, injured, raped or killed by a male partner than by any other type of assailant. Estimates of assaults on women by partners range from approximately 2 million to 4 million annually in the United States. The majority of women killed at work are murdered by a current or former intimate partner. What are the signs of domestic violence? If you believe you may be in an abusive relationship, here are some questions to ask yourself: Have you ever been physically hurt, such as being kicked, pushed, choked or punched, by your partner or ex-partner? Has your partner ever used the threat of hurting you or members of your family to get you to do something? Has your partner ever injured or abused your pets? Has your partner ever destroyed your property or things that you care about? Has your partner tried to keep you from seeing your family, going to school or doing other things that are important to you? Do you feel like you are being controlled or isolated by your partner? For instance, does your partner control your money, transportation, activities or social contacts? Have you ever been forced by your partner to have sex when you did not want to or to have unsafe sex? Is your partner jealous and always questioning whether you are faithful? Does your partner regularly blame you for things that you cannot control, or for his/her violent outbursts? Does your partner regularly insult you? Are you ever afraid of your partner or of going home? Does he/she make you feel unsafe? There are other signs of domestic violence that observers might see in a relative or friend who is in an abusive relationship. They include: being prone to “accidents” or being repeatedly injured having injuries that could not be caused unintentionally or that do not match the story of what happened to cause them having injuries on many different parts of the body, such as the face, throat, neck, chest, abdomen or genitals having bruises, burns or wounds that are shaped like teeth, hands, belts, cigarette tips or that look like the injured person has a glove or sock on (from having a hand or foot placed in boiling water) having wounds in various states of healing often seeking medical help or, conversely, waiting to seek or not seeking medical help even for serious injuries showing signs of depression using alcohol or other drugs attempting suicide What are the health effects of domestic violence? Besides the obvious physical injuries, domestic violence can lead to depression, anxiety, panic attacks, substance abuse and post-traumatic stress disorder. Abuse also might trigger suicide attempts or psychotic episodes. How can you leave an abusive partner? Leaving an abuser can be dangerous. In order to do it as safely as possible, you should plan ahead and take the following precautions: Pack a bag ahead of time that will be available to take with you when you decide it is the safest time to leave. Include items such as extra clothes, important papers, money, extra keys and prescription medications. Know exactly where you will go and how you will get there. Call a local women’s shelter or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) to find out about legal options and resources available to you. While making plans to leave, avoid making long-distance phone calls from home of using a cell phone. An abuser could trace long-distance calls to find out where you are going or intercept your cell phone conversations using a scanner. Also, be aware that the abuser may be able to monitor your Internet activities and access your e-mail account. Where can you turn to for help? In an emergency situation, call 911 or your local law enforcement agency. If you are not in immediate danger, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-Safe (7233), which provides crisis intervention and referrals to in-state or out-of-state resources, such as women’s shelters or crisis centers. What is the law on domestic violence in Illinois? The Illinois Domestic Violence Act of 1986 focused more government effort on this problem. These efforts were further bolstered by recent Illinois Supreme Court rulings putting more “teeth” into the law by effectively mandating that law enforcement act to protect victims of domestic abuse. According to Illinois law, police officers must take steps to protect a victim of domestic abuse whenever a family or household member has committed any act of abuse. The Illinois Elder Abuse and Neglect Act became law in 1988 and provided that people who report suspected abuse or cooperate with an investigation are not subject to criminal or civil liability or professional disciplinary action. It further provides that the identity of the reporter shall not be disclosed without the written permission of the reporter or by order of a court. Anonymous reports are accepted. The following hotlines can help women experiencing violence: National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233) Illinois Department of Human Services Domestic Violence Helpline 877-To End DV (877-863-6338) Elder Abuse Hotline 888-800-1409 The Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (RAINN) (automatically transfers you to the rape crisis center nearest you) 800-656-HOPE

Learning to Heal

Most people think that once the victim leaves the abuser and moves on that they are well for lack of a better word, healed. The sad part is that is not true. The victim will always have flashbacks. They will appear at the most unlikely moments and in the most unlikely places. It is almost like being back from combat. In fact it is a war of sorts.

 Once the victim is no longer surrounded by the abusesr she has to learn a new way of life. This makes her even more vunerable. It is comaparable to being a child again learning how to take care of one’s self. She has been isolated for so long that she has forgotten how to make real friends, keep a good job, take care of herself. She depended on the abuser because built that wall of isolation around her.

   She is uncharted waters and can and is often hurt even more by those who take advantage of that defenselessness. Men can sense this and they will prey on her and use her to their advantage. They use the lines “I will never hurt you”, “You can Trust me.” “I will never do to you what he did.” Those are the classics.

  But in reality, they do. When she becomes to clingy and to dependant on them, they bail, the reason, they really only wanted her for a short time. They didn’t want all the baggage. They didn’t want to help her heal. They wanted to use her for their own selfish motives. The sad part is the victim equates, physical attachment with emotional attachment.  So she is hurt again.

    Some women never ever become able to recover and to lead productive lives. They go from man to man looking for that which they can’t find. What they haven’t learned is that which they seek in within themselves. They don’t need that reassurance from somone else. They don’t need to be “loved” to be healed. They just need to look within.

         The first step toward healing is to find something that is enjoyable for the victim. It could be going back to school, starting a business, it doesn’t matter what as long as it is something that will help the victim heal from within.   Sometimes they might even need to leave the state and reinvent themselves in a new place.

      The second step in healing is to leave behind all the old friends that you and he had together. There are to many painful memories which resurface when those relationships are continued. Along the way the victim has outgrown those friends on many levels.

     Next comes the mental housekeeping that must be done. The victim has to dig deep inside her mental state and examine herself. She must come to grips with the fact that she didn’t make the abuse happen, she didn’t create the monster the abuse is and it is not her fault. She also must learn that no matter what poison he tries to fill the children’s head with, she is not at fault. Sadly the abuser loves to play this game especially when the victim leaves.

      The victim has to understand that he has lost control. So he will use every tool at his disposal to get her back. She must be always on her guard, and pay attention to not only what is said, but what is not said.

        One of the last steps for the victim is that she must learn to love herself. She must understand that she is a good person, that she has much to offer and that she can not only survive, but become productive and finally that she doesn’t have to depend on anyone to complete her happiness. She must learn to be happy within herself with her successes and with her world.

    No we as victims are never healed completly, however, we can learn to put the past where it belongs – know that it can’t be changed- that it is very much a part of who we are- and that we can be better, stronger and more productive becasue of it not in spite of it.

Overcoming Domestic Violence: My Story

Overcoming Domestic Abuse-My Story
by Angel Shadow™

Where do I begin?

I grew up in an environment of alcoholism. This environment was filled with
physical abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, anxiety and most
importantly….denial. We weren’t allowed to discuss what went on in our
home. It was to be swept under the rug, like the dirty little secret it was.
I can’t count how many times we had to silently put the house back together
while my dad slept it off on the couch. I guess it was simply easier to
pretend it didn’t happen. I guess not acknowledging it, meant we didn’t have
to deal with it. But we did have to deal with it and not discussing it
didn’t make it go away…it allowed it to continue.

I could start with the emotional issues domestic violence causes. Or the
anxiety and panic attacks. The issues of trust and constantly being guarded.
Always looking over your shoulder, waiting for the next bomb to drop. The
effort to accept and forgive…at least enough to move on and live a normal
daily life. I could start with the importance of breaking the cycle, so this
doesn’t move on to the next generation. Or the importance of releasing the
anger and becoming a productive human being. These are all important topics that need to be addressed and I will try to include them all.

I could start with some of my own personal experiences. The constant
physical fights. The yelling and screaming. The broken “things.” Being
picked up by the throat, while my mom stood by and did nothing. Watching my mom get shoved through a kitchen window by the hair, pulled back through, and pushed out the door onto the porch. Then being told by my dad that if we tried to let her in, he’d shoot us.

I could talk about the small travel trailer that was pulled from place to place, sometimes with no running water and illegally wired electricity. Relocating was a constant. There was no need to feel secure, because in no time at all, we’d be on the move again.

I could discuss the countless times my parents left us with people we didn’t
even know; sneaking out when they thought we weren’t aware. And there were times those people made it very clear that we were not wanted there. I could never understand how I could be placed somewhere I wasn’t truly wanted. But it happened time and time again. I remember my brother and I spending some time on the porch because we weren’t allowed to enter the house while the other kids got to have their bowl of ice cream.

I remember wearing the same clothes everyday and let me tell you…other kids aren’t afraid to remind you of it. I could also talk about the sexual abuse I endured from one of my dad’s drunk friends when I was five years old. I could dwell on my mom’s attitude of, “If I can’t beat him, I’ll join him.” And how she spent her share of time on the bar stool beside him, while we were left at home alone, probably because no one would take us for the night. And of course, there’s my mom’s denial and how, “Her kids always came first.”

I started taking care of my sister when she was a baby. I was ten years old,
and had no idea how to care for an infant. I recall the first time I was
left alone with her. I stood out at the end of the driveway, looking up the
street, begging them to come back. That was the day something shifted in me.

I became hard as survival issues kicked in. When my parents would
conveniently find a different sitter for the night, I always seemed to run
them off. I literally had babysitters walk out on me, because I made their
experience with us a living hell. Who did they think they were, coming into
my home and telling me what to do? Thinking they could take care of my baby sister better than I could. I’ve been handling things just fine, thank you
very much. I certainly didn’t need them. Over time, my mom told me since I
kept running them off, I would just do it on my own. Like I hadn’t been
doing that already. My sister wouldn’t respond to anyone but me anyway.

I was never shown how to change a diaper or make a bottle. I guess it was
assumed I would figure it out. After all, they would only be gone “a couple
of hours.” What could possibly go wrong? But those couple hours always
turned into a day long event, usually extending into the early morning
hours, which would end with them coming home in a fight. Do you realize how scary it is to a ten year old child to be left at home alone, with an
infant, especially when it gets dark? We rarely had a phone, so I never had
any way of checking in to see when they’d be home. I was forced to learn to
deal with it.

These few examples I’ve shared are only the tip of the iceberg.

The emotional issues from domestic abuse could fill a book and there is no
way I can cover them all in this article. The programming that comes from
living in an abusive household is devastating to the human mind. In order to survive, the mind has to adapt and it becomes programmed to work in a
certain way. It remembers everything and protects against danger in ways we still don’t understand. The human mind literally has the ability to protect
itself and it does this by altering what we think, which effects the way we
see things. When our programming changes the way we think, it also effects
the way we feel because the mind and body are tightly connected. What
effects one, effects the other.

Emotional abuse is one of the hardest to overcome because of the programming done to the mind. You can reprogram the mind to think and operate in a different manner, but it takes time and a lot of hard, heavy and deep soul searching, which is hardly a walk in the park.

Anxiety and panic attacks are also experiences that come from abuse. In most cases, the attacks are chronic because the mind/body are used to working in fight or flight mode. When the mind is trained to live this way, it will continue to do so, even when there is no reason for it. It simply doesn’t
know any different. I’ve been experiencing anxiety since I was five years
old and it wasn’t until a few years ago, I finally figured it out. I still
get anxious from time to time, but I’ve learned to deal with attacks.

Growing up in an abusive environment made me hard, guarded and non-trusting. You’ll never see me cry. It doesn’t mean I don’t…it just means you won’t see it. I view life differently and I respond to it differently.

I don’t drink. How could I? Drinking is what caused my childhood to be the way it was. The thought of putting alcohol in my system makes me physically ill and brings on anxiety instantly.

I’ve had to overcome serious trust issues. How could I possible believe what
you tell me? You’re not really going to be there for me, so I simply won’t
count on it. I’ve learned to survive and I can take care of myself. I’ve
learned to accept certain things and I’ve learned to forgive. I’ve done this
for ME. Not for my parents, not for the bullies I encountered, not for the
other adults who treated me less than the trash in their garbage…but for
ME. For my own sanity and well-being. For my own piece of mind. I’m happy with the person I’ve become and I’ve become that person on my own.

I decided a long time ago, I would not remain a victim and I would not
become a product of my environment. I decided I would forgive as much as I could. Does that mean the circumstances I encountered were justified? Not for a second! But where do I place blame? With my father, who didn’t know how to stop?  With my mother, who allowed it to happen? I feel they both should be held responsible. But I’m no longer a victim of their circumstance. Their life is their’s to live as they choose. I simply choose to move in a difference direction.

I decided the cycle stops with me. It will not be passed on to
the next generation that I brought into this world. Which means my kids
won’t pass it on to their’s and nothing makes me happier! At least I can
sleep at night knowing that.

*****
Confessions of the Wounded Inner Child
by Angel Shadow™

I have always been there
But you chose not to see
The pain and bitter heartache
That you enforced on me.

I could not escape you
Trapped inside your hell
A child of your making
Bars upon the cell.

You taught me oh so much
Not to trust and not to care
My world became so shattered
My eyes a cold, blank stare.

I soon became so silent
And found a place to hide
To young to understand
I was only along for the ride.

Overtime, as I grew
These issues that you dealt
Became so overwhelming
The bitterness was felt.

It took me a long time
To emerge from the dark
To learn to heal and forgive
Was not a walk in the park.

I did learn how to heal
And I did this just for me
A new world was created
For my eyes to see.

I will not pass this on
The heartache and the tears
The children of tomorrow
Shall enjoy their wonder years.

I will learn to be stronger
And stand up on my own
For the next generation
Will not be my clone.

My life is in your hands
Even if you think unfair
Be careful what you teach
And treat me with more care.

For I will never forget
The weary ways of past
Overcoming this takes time
A large stone for me to cast.

My mind is like a thirsty sponge
Absorbing and so free
So please don’t damage and harm it
For you’re creating me.

© Copyright 2006 Angel Shadow™ (Poem)
© Copyright 2007 Angel Shadow™ (Article)
All rights reserved.
 
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Healing the Inner Child

Healing the Inner Child
by Angel Shadow

Inside each and every one of us is an inner child. This child is either
healthy, happy and adjusted or it’s unhealthy, frightened and in chaos. It
should only take you a few moments to realize if your inner child is hiding,
for it will manifest itself in your everyday adult life.

Simply take a look at your programmed reactions, for they are the key. These reactions are often overlooked because you won’t even realize you’re doing it. It simply IS what it IS. Once you become aware of that, you’ll
understand what part of your inner child needs healing. Issues like lack of
trust, low self-esteem, not feeling safe, anger and regret most likely stem
from not healing an area of your childhood. Your “adult” self is simply
reacting the way it’s always reacted and it had to start somewhere.

A healthy inner child=a healthy, well-adjusted adult. We all have issues
that come up in life, but an emotionally healthy adult can deal with these
issues in an emotionally healthy way. There is no blame. No pity party. No
drama. No constant need for acknowledgement. Emotionally healthy adults know exactly who they are and do not need outside acknowledgement from others.

To heal this wounded, inner child, you first need to locate them. This is
not always easy because they are the masters of hide and seek. Many times,
you’ll breeze right past them, not even knowing they’re there. Part of them
wants to reach out and say, “I’m here! Please find me!” While another part
says, “Be quiet! Don’t let them find your hiding place! It’s safe here!” So
become aware. Stay alert and find that inner child.

Once you find them, the task of getting them out of their hiding place takes
time. You may have to sit with them for hours at a time, day after day, for
months, just to get them to take a step. Slowly, but surely, a new trust
will begin to develop and eventually, they will take your hand and walk out
of the darkness. At first, you may do most of the talking, but eventually,
with patience, they will begin to open up and a new world of understanding
will be released. After talking to this inner child, everything will begin
to make sense.

Think of this “little” part of yourself as a lost, restless spirit,
wandering the same area of time and space. Reliving the same trauma and
chaos that they couldn’t escape from. Because they are a part of you, their
reactions to these unhealed events will have carried with you into your
adulthood and will continue to dictate your emotional responses to the life
you are currently attempting to live. Once you get them to come out of
hiding and open up, you can build a new reality together. One based on trust
and an understanding of “why.”

Healing the inner child requires you to take the following steps:

1) Find the child. Tune in to them and your search will be an easy one.
2) Acceptance of what you find and learn about this “little” one. The
knowledge you gain from this inner child will most likely be painful. Accept
it and work through it.
3) Talk to the child. Dig until you find the core issue.
4) Have patience! It may take some time for them to open up. They’ve been
programmed to remain hidden and silent.
5) Get them out of their hiding place. Hold their hand and prove to them you can be trusted. Remember, they are a part of you and what’s really happening is you are not trusting yourself.

Complete healing will take some time. It’s alright to keep this wounded
inner child with you…actually, I encourage it. Remember, they ARE YOU! The more time they spend (with you) healing the issues of the past, the more
adjusted and healed you (as an adult) will become. So don’t be afraid to
locate that lost, little part of yourself. They have been in hiding for a
long time…waiting for healing and understanding to come. Listen to them,
for they hold the answers. Be willing to accept what they have to say or
they will retreat into hiding once again. They need to feel that they can
trust again….that they will not be abandoned.
With time and patience, that wounded inner child will become trusting and
full of life once again. Treat them the way you wish to be
treated…remember, you are literally healing yourself.

© Copyright 2006 Angel Shadow
All rights reserved.

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The Absured Joke that is the Department of Family and Children Services

It isn’t enough that women who are abused have to deal with the criticism of family and friends. It isn’t enough that they have to deal with the utter shame of living with an abuser. Oh no, in many cases they have to deal with the added abuse from family and children services. Another case of “I am from the Governement and I am here to help.”

 There in lies the problem. Their type of help is to add to the emotional and mental stress the woman is going through. They become part of the problem. How do you ask? They are just doing their job.  For one thing they don’t have any clue as to what happens when a woman is abused. They don’t understand and don’t want to understand that she can’t just walk out. HE WILL FIND HER AND HE WILL KILL HER!!!!!!

    All they care about is making their quota and aquiring money from the Federal coffers. Trying to talk to them about the situation is like pissing in the ocean. They don’t want to know, don’t understand and refuse to help. Their concept of helping is to remove the children, threaten the mother and move on to the next case. There is no empathy, no sympathy and no understanding. They have no desire to find a way to help the mother. They have no compassion. They have become judge – jury and exectioner. I have seen this happen over and over again. It becomes so unbearable that the victim finally just gives up and signs her children over. She can’t fight the broken system and try to stay alive all at the same time, it is just to much.  

      Talking abut mental and emotional abuse overload. The woman can barely handle the spouse and now DFCS steps in and adds to the problem. Every employee of Family and Children services should be required to study abuse on women they should be required to talk to these women and learn what they deal with and how hard it is to leave. They should be made to help these women once they do leave and keep them with their children.

    Instead they are pious in their judgement of these abused women, they maintain a holier than thou attitude and they condem without understanding.   

     This is a travesty in our society, by being complicant and judgemental family and children services has given the abuser the green light to continue his abuse. They have enabled him to keep on the path of utter destruction. If they really wanted to be part of the solution they would help the victim, yes it is a process. For one thing most victims have no safe place to go. I am not talking about safe houses, they don’t work either. I am talking helping the victim find work, find a place to live and finding support so when he does find her (and he always does) there will be someon who has her back. Someone who he can’t bully and threaten. Someone who is stronger than she is at the time.

    I know they will say “we don’t have the funds.” Well guess again, you do, all that money you pay foster parents you could be putting toward the victim and her children. You could take that same money and put her in a place, help her get a car and get her work. The problem is it takes to much of your energy. You would rather take the easy path – yank the kids, put them in foster care and harass the mother. You help the cycle continue.  

     Gotta love the Governement.

The Fallacy Of A TRO (Temporary Restraining Order)

Here in South Florida two children ages three and two saw their father shoot their mother in the head. The three year old grabbed his brother’s hand and fled the apartment to a neighbor’s house and told them what happened. The mother is now in the hospital with the bullet still in her head and still unconscious.

The police had been called to the residence several times because of the abuse. This didn’t stop the abuser. He only escalated. The day of the shooting, she had gone to the store and upon her return he was in the apartment cooking, trying to show her he didn’t want her to leave. When she didn’t buy into his lie, he pulled a gun with the children in the room and shot her.

   The police told the young woman’s mother that she had been told several times to obtain a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) so they could lock him up. They said she hadn’t done it.

   Unfortunatly TRO’s do NOT work. They only make the abuser escalate his abuse. He finds ways to make the life of the abused even worse. And sadly law enforcement get tired of making the trips to the residence.  It becomes yet another vicisous cycle. The Victim gets the TRO, the abuser shows up, the victim calls law enforcement. They show up arrest the abuser, he bails out, goes back to the residence, abuses even more, the abused calls law enforcement, they come out arrest the abuser, he bails out and the cycle continues each time the abused is abused worse.

   If the victim does find a way to get out of the neighborhood, the abuser will find her. He will talk to friends, family and co-workers. He will con them in to telling him where she is. He uses things like, “I love her, I just want to talk to her, I am not going to hurt her, I want to tell her how sorry I am.” He keeps coming back to family, friends and co-workers hounding them until he convinces them he is indeed contrite. He gets the information and by the time he finds the victim he is very angry and then he kills.

    He tells the victim that if he can’t have no one else ever will. He not only kills her he kills any children or family members she is with and sometimes he is such a coward he kills himself so he doesn’t have to answer for his actions.

     He doesn’t allow a piece of paper to stand in his way. He is single minded about his mission and that is not to lose control of his victim. He will find her and he will kill her. That is the ultimate control. She is no longer alive and he feels he has won.

     The TRO is just like a red flag in front of a bull. It only enflames the abuser, it doesn’t deter. Unfortuntatly when law enforcement comes to a residence they can’t understand why the abused is no longer willing to tell the truth. Law enforcement and the victim unwittingly become an enabler for the abuser.

 The reason is simple, the victim knows that when they leave she will be abused even worse. She knows what will happen, and more times than not the abuse is not removed. She also knows that when he bails out, he will be back and she will suffer so will her children.

    Bail for domestic abuse is so low that the abuser can bail out with no problem, it is not considered a felony in most states.

    TRO’s are a waste of time, energy, resources and money. The abused still loses.