Abusive Ex-husband Makes Sure Woman Loses Son

January 8, 2008. By Julia Browne

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Dallas, TX: Mary’s abusive husband, Robbie, vowed to make her pay if she left him. She dared escape domestic violence, but due to additional victimization by Child Protection Services (CPS), the police, and her own mother, she lost her 8 year old son.

“After my divorce I moved with my son to a ’safe state’, Florida. Robbie followed me there so I had to get a domestic violence protective order and he wasn’t allowed within 5 miles of us. He did try to contact me by email and phone on holidays, which I logged and reported to the local police but it wasn’t considered severe enough for an investigation.”

“For six years in Florida I was happy. I’d gotten married and was living the typical life of barbecues on Sunday and PTA. But stress from the aftermath of that previous abusive marriage and living in constant fear made things difficult and my new husband and I separated. In October 2003, with my family in Texas I figured we’d be all right there for a couple months but that was a fatal mistake.”

It didn’t take long for Mary’s ex-husband to catch up with his prey.

“Just after the holiday season I reported his stalking behavior and calls to the police department of a suburb of Dallas/Fort Worth. On at least eight occasions they said, ‘oh that’s a Florida order, we’re not going to uphold that in Texas’.”

“Getting away with minor violations made Robbie bolder. He conspired with my mother to take my son away from me, even though he wasn’t his biological father. Together they made allegations against me of mental and emotional abuse, of drug use, and they even claimed I was in a baby-killing cult. When my son was born I cleaned up my life and stopped any drug use. CPS did four different tests and found nothing at all so in mid 2004 I was cleared of all charges of neglect and abuse.”

Mary and her son prepared to move back to the safety of Florida. Their nightmare was over… or so they thought.

“In May 2004 my son went to church and never came home. He was abducted. When I reported it the police, they and a CPS agent showed up at my door, not to give me news, but to get me to sign another accusation of abuse from my ex-husband and my mother. I refused. My attorney tabled a motion to have my son immediately released to me but on day the court order was signed, the police came and took me to a mental hospital for ‘observation’ based on a false affidavit.”

“The doctor couldn’t find any reason to detain me but during that 24 hours I was in that hospital Robbie, GrandMommy, the police officer and a CPS worker broke into my apartment and stole over $10,000 worth of property including all my home videos and photos of me and my kids, all my legal files and evidence, electronics, medication and even my wedding ring. Even our dog was gone.”

Mary’s son was placed in a foster home.

“Parents have to do something like take parenting classes, go to rehab or counseling to have a chance at getting their kid back. I did but they said I didn’t complete their services just because I chose to get my own counselor, not the one of their choice. They called me uncooperative if I did anything that was against my civil rights but even though one of the case workers wrote that my case wasn’t of abuse but of child custody they do retaliate, I hate to say. They ruled against me because I challenged when I knew things weren’t being looked into, like my accusation of Robbie molesting children.”

“The last time I saw my son was just before Christmas 2004. The case worker arrived without him and said, ‘we forgot to bring him’. But that wasn’t possible. He’s nine years old and he knows when it’s Tuesday. The next day, December 22nd, they brought him. He had a black eye, blood on his shirt; he’d been beaten. I never saw him again.

That’s when I started my blog almosttuesdays.com which came out of a poem I was commissioned to write for Child Abuse Awareness month. It was all the things my son had said to me during out visits that we shared that no one else knows about.”

“When I realized he wasn’t coming home I fell apart. I was in such shock. I didn’t have an attorney so I represented myself. Fortunately I’m a paralegal so I could write my own pleadings but they were just ignored. My son’s name was changed, he lives with GrandMommy and I’m not allowed to talk to him. Then Robbie was jailed in 2006 for child abuse. I’m too tired to fight. How do you find an attorney when those hired by the state to work on behalf of the kids say it’s too hard to go up against the system?”

Murder Suicide in West Palm Beach What Happened and Why?

Apparent Murder Suicide in Surburban West Palm Beach leave two children orphans  

By Michael LaForgia

Palm Beach Post Staff Writer

Updated: 8:19 p.m. Wednesday, Jan. 27, 2010

Posted: 12:56 p.m. Wednesday, Jan. 27, 2010

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WEST PALM BEACH — A man shot his estranged wife to death in a suburban West Palm Beach apartment this afternoon and then shot and killed himself as his 18-year-old sister-in-law looked on, authorities said.

The deceased victim was identified as Monette Dubuisson, 26, and the deceased suspect was identified as Gary Jean Pierre, 36, according to Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office reports.

The apparent murder-suicide left orphaned two small children, who lived in the apartment but were at school when Pierre started shooting, sheriff’s investigators said.

About 12:30 p.m., Pierre showed up at the Palo Verde apartments, at 6178 Forest Hill Blvd., a place he once shared with his wife, her sister and the two children, a 7-year-old boy and a 9-year-old girl.

He started arguing with his estranged wife, who had been driving him to work since September or November, and then pulled a gun and shot her, said Teri Barbera, sheriff’s office spokeswoman.

Dubuisson’s sister heard the noise, walked into the room and watched Pierre fatally shoot himself.

Pierre possibly worked as a security guard, Barbera said. According to a sheriff’s office news release, Pierre moved out of the apartment in October or November of last year and the couple had been attempting to reconcile in recent weeks.

The children, Pierre’s son and his estranged wife’s daughter, remained at school this afternoon, awaiting help from county victims services workers.

It wasn’t immediately clear what set off the man this afternoon, Barbera said.

Staff Writer Julius Whigham II contributed to this report

Heartache and Sin by Charles Soto Reviewed by Fran Lewis

Heartache and Sin by Charles Soto

Reviewed by Fran Lewis

Heartache is defined as anguish, sorrow or distress. Sin is defined as an act that is regarded by theologians as a transgression of God’s will. There are so many sins and so much heartache within this novel that you will come to truly understand their meanings and much more. A group of people, who are easily swayed, easily manipulated and who are looking for something to believe in whether it is honest, true or read and you have the breeding ground for anyone who wants to brainwash and deceive people. Pastor Ryan who prays runs the Church of Resurrection preys on the minds, vulnerability and poor self-esteem of his congregation, wife, and young women. He convinces them that he a man who can foretell their needs, future and predict world events and more. Without him and his guidance they could not exist, live or repent the terrible sins that he claims they committed. This brings me to my review of Heartache and Sin by Charles Soto. This novel brings to light many issues that are controversial, will create strong discussions and possibly arguments and disagreements when used as a basis for a book club or family discussion. This is a book whose messages need to be heard.

Steven and Karen Wheaton live in Havana with his family and friends. Karen is diagnosed with diabetes and is told not to conceive. Upset with the diagnosis and other conditions that she is made aware of, she falls prey to the teachings, preaching and voice of a corrupt, sinister and deceitful man. Preacher Ryan preys on the minds of his congregants claiming that with his prayer and the will of God, he will make it rain and the drought will end.

Brainwashing is something that many people who want to believe in something and want to come true fall victim to. Karen is one who is innocent, sweet and believes the words of this man and so do many others, as you will learn when reading this book. Added to this her husband; Steven and his two brothers knowing that he is a fraud, use the Internet to bring him down. Confronting Pastor Ryan, Steven gets him to admit the truth and now he must fight to save his wife from this man and many others too.

Karen believes that Pastor Ryan is the answer to the prayers of the people of Havana. No one bothered to find out why he left his previous congregation or what he did to the young women there. Abuse whether physical, verbal or sexual is unconscionable and needs to be punished no matter who the source is or the reasons why they are committing the abuse. Pastor Ryan is guilty of all three and justifies it in his own mind and to his victims that he is right and they are worthless and deserve what he decides to hand them. Frightening and scary since a Preacher or any member of the clergy is suppose to guide, listen, comfort and provide guidance to help people that are in trouble or need someone to talk with you realize that this man is nothing but pure evil. But, Pastor Ryan does not fit the definition a clergyman and although Steven knows he is a fraud he needs to tread carefully before exposing him and make sure that he has the proof or he may lose Karen and a lot more.

What is unique about this book is that the author has the characters reveal their inner most thoughts and explain what they need to do in order to survive. Mary, the Pastor’s wife gets the strength and courage to fight and leave the confines of her prison.

The author speaks to the reader as he relates what is in the character’s thoughts and mind as Steven forges a plan to unfold and reveal the deceptions created by this Pastor and the many inhumane things he has done and is still doing. Berating and humiliating his wife and physically and mentally abusing her and praying on the minds of bereaved women he increases his flock of unsuspecting women on the pretense of trying to help them. Using the Internet and the postal system he has devised a diabolical plan that needs to be stopped. But, the worst has yet to come and his cruelty has not reached its peak as the reader will learn and author will impart as he reveals what Steven knows in his heart is happening and must be done.

Karen is easily swayed as her the young women that are now in the living in the family quarters. Their clouded vision and poor perception and need to feel wanted, hope and comfort allows this horrific man to prey on their weaknesses and things will only get worse. Pastor Ryan does not care that he humiliates, who he deceives and how he goes about funding his own treasury and confining those to his compound who fall under his spell and believe he is there help them redeem their sins, find solace and peace within his congregation. Steven, Anne Marie his sister-in-law have witnessed first hand what they know to be the truth and are frightened by the blinding light that encompasses the compound and the people within it. Knowing that he even imprisoned his wife and abused her physically makes him and this family moves ahead to try and stop him. But, when the unthinkable happens and Karen gets pregnant the course of action that the Pastor wants and Steven’s not only conflict but also jeopardize more than their marriage but her life.

Believing himself to be the true and only prophet and the hand of God, this evil man controls everything that oversees and all he sees.  Feeding, as the author puts it, the starving minds of this improvised county. He needs praise, power, to instill fear, false hope and total domination of his congregation. With no respect for women as I can see it, and trying to keep his wife under his total control, Mary finally learns how to play his game in order not to be the object of his ire. But, can she? What is his true ambition? Will she survive the abuse?

This brings us to another controversial issue that the author skillfully includes in this bone chilling and thought -provoking book. The serious issue of Abortion and whether Karen, who has diabetes should consider a full term pregnancy and the Pastor’s crusade to destroy the abortion clinic in Fargo and the women who have had abortions in it.

 An abortion that occurs naturally without any medical intervention when there is a physical problem with a pregnancy is called a spontaneous abortion or a miscarriage, while an abortion that is the result of any procedure done by a licensed physician or someone under the supervision of a licensed physician to purposefully end a pregnancy is called an induced abortion as defined in your dictionary.com. This issue becomes the basis for the end of the book and what finally happens between Karen and Steven and their unborn child. The Pastor goes on a crusade to protest against the clinic and abortion and will do nothing short of destroying the women and the people within it starting with the doctor and his family. Using Karen in his propaganda to fight against abortion even though she should not go to full term and will not change her mind, the Pastor hides his true colors to in order to achieve his goals and pretends concern for her.

What happens will give you pause for much thought about the issues that are important in this novel. A man whose goal was to destroy, control and deceive others for his own purposes. Destruction of lives, towns, people and communities all because of one man. What does happen to Karen? Will Mary and her sons ever are free of the horrific hold the Pastor has on her and others? Will the truth about him ever be told and who will pay with their own heartaches and sins? I recommend this book as one of my best picks for the 2010 and I have read more than 25 since the New Year.

I am honored to have reviewed this book and hope to review Pride and a Prayer the author’s new book.

The Faces of Samantha’s Children who are Being Abused By Jackson County Georgia DFCS

 It is a sad state of affairs when a mother has to spend the holidays sitting in a netural area with her three children trying to enjoy the brief hour she has with them. It is a sad state of affairs when she has to take a gingerbread house to this netural place so the children can spend time with her putting it together. What is even more sad is there was no guarentee that once they took it to their foster home the foster mother would allow them to keep it. She won’t let them keep anything else Samantha gives them.

This is Carly the youngest she has been away from her mother for two years. She calls her foster mother  by the name mother. When her foster mother is in the same room with her and Samantha she will not have anything to do with her mother. She will not call her mother either. This should be a crime in itself.  

This is Shawna the oldest. She is now on meds for hyper activity and alledged ADD and ADHD. She has not been tested out by a specialist in this field. She was diagnosed by a regular MD. This should have never happened. This is just the first step in the foster parents who want to adopt this three girls to get more money from the state for adopting a “speical needs” child. They can get up to several thousand dollars for her until she is eighteen years old.     

This is the Christmas tree at the netural place where Sam visits her children. Look at Shawna’s face. Her expression says it all. The middle child Sara never laughs anymore. On all three of their Christmas lists to Santa, they all said the same thing. All they wanted Santa to bring them was to be able to go home with their mother.

DFCS in Jackson County Georgia was not only the Grinch who Stole their Christmas and the one before this past year, they are also the Scooge from this story. If the State has their way they will make anywhere from 4000.00 to 6000.00 on these three girls if they can force Samantha to sign them away. The foster parents who want to adopt them will make anywhere from 600.00- upwards in the thousands each month until they turn eighteen years old. The buying and selling of our children continues illegally.

   We have to get these girls home to their mother. Jackson County DFCS – the judical system- and the PD’s office all are in this together. Sam is still fighting to get her children home. They don’t need to spend another Christmas with out being with their mother. Help me make this happen.

Lakewood Park woman whose husband tried to kill her fights for life in hospital

FORT PIERCE — A woman whose estranged husband allegedly tried to kill her before he committed suicide was in “severely critical” condition Thursday afternoon at Lawnwood Regional Medical Center and Heart Institute. Authorities say William Beck, 54, used a .32-caliber gun to shoot his wife Jacqueline Beck, 54, twice — once in the face and once in the chest — before killing himself about 5 p.m. Wednesday in his home in the 8400 block of Fort Walton Boulevard in the Lakewood Park community. Jana Eschbach, a spokeswoman for the hospital, confirmed Jacqueline Beck’s condition Thursday afternoon. William Beck was pronounced dead at the scene. The couple were married but not living together. According to detectives, Jacqueline Beck came to William Beck’s home at his request, planning to tell him she wanted a divorce. Following a physical altercation, William Beck shot his wife and then shot himself in the head, deputies said. The gun was found under William Beck’s body.

Alice Samantha Thomason and her three Children continue to be abused by Jackson County DFCS and the Foster Parent

I asked my daughter Samantha that question after she told me her little one Carly was having accidents. Carly is four years old and has been potty trained for two years. My first thought is the most obvious one.That being is she being abused in the foster home? If not then the idea of being away from her mother is causing her severe mental and emotional stress. This again is just one of the many ways DFCS abuses the children of the parents they take away. Samantha has no idea what is wrong with her child. She has no idea if she is being abused. This is agonizing for her. It is torture for her. I also found out that the foster parents Donna and Vince Webb of Commerce Ga make my daughters three children call them mom and dad. They are not the children’s parents- Samantha is. Again this is just another way for DFCS to separate the children from their mother. Samantha’s go between at Tree house where she visits her children sent an email to Stephanie Smith the case worker for Jackson County GA DFCS to ask for Samantha to have more time with her children when she goes to visit them – Stephanie didn’t even have the professional manners to respond. Still another tatic to separate Samantha from her children. It is these sly and underhanded tatics used to force Samantha to sign away her rights. This is not going to happen. They are going to have to charge her with criminal charges and hand over the evidence of which there is not any. Because they entered her home illegally without a warrent. So any evidence is tainted. Hence no case. Last but not least Samantha’s PD Crandell Heard has washed his lazy hands of her. He has now become part of the problem – Next step calling him out. He refuses to answer any emails or phone calls.

 

Newest update: Stephanie Smith Samantha’s case worker went by her house today. What a surprise- Stephanie told Samantha she was leaving at the end of December. This will make the 8th case worker Samantha has been inolved with. Talking about abuse. Or wait, maybe they know what they are doing and know it is wrong. No, I don’t think so.

 I also found out that when they came to Samantha’s house to pick up the children they had no warrant. hmmm illegal search and seizure. I am pushing for them to charge her with a crime- and when they do it all will be tossed out –    

 

Jackson County Georgia DFCS You Have Been Put On Notice- You Are Going to Be Exposed for Your Abuse

Jackson County DFCS you have been put on notice. We are coming after you through TV, Government, letters and newspapers. We are tired of you buying and selling our children and grandchildren. A copy of this letter has been sent to the Atlanta Journal, Senator Lee Hawkins, Gov. Sonny Perdue, Jackson Herald, WSB TV, WXIA TV, Channel Five Fox News. It is time to expose the crimes of the State of Ga. in the buying and selling of children. The three children in the picture are next on the auction block of Jackson County DFCS – They are trying to put them up for sale.

WSB TV
1601 W Peachtree St
Atlanta, Ga.

Yvonne Mason
578 SE Ocean Spray Ter
Port St Lucie, Fl. 34983

Dear News Director,

My name is Yvonne Mason. I am a published author but most importantly I am a mother and a grand -mother.
The purpose of this letter is to let your news station know about a travesty that is getting ready to occur in Jackson County,Ga. A travesty that should be criminal.
That travesty is this. My youngest daughter Alice Samantha Thomason had her three small children taken from her by Jackson County DFCS. They refuse to charge her with criminal charges, but yet they continue to threaten her about signing over her rights as a parent.
From the first day these children were placed in the home of the foster mother Donna Webb who also lives in Jackson County she was told they would be available for adoption by the children’s advocate Dedra Shands and Rebecca Boles of COSA. They are not up for adoption.
I couldn’t figure out how or why they would make this kind of statement. Well, after much research I found out. There was an act signed into law in the 1990’s when Bill Clinton was in the White House. This law is named Adoption and Safe Families Act. This act states that instead of DFCS acting to help reunite families they are to work to have the parents sign them over. The reason is the DFCS receives between $4000.00 to 18000.00 per child when they go up for adoption (legal buying of children) Then the adoptive parents receive between 500.00- 700.00 per child until that child is 18 years old. This amount is even more when there are special needs involved. This is allowed under the TITLE IV Funding Act.

In my grandchildren’s case they created special needs. The oldest child was placed on meds for Alledged ADHD.

The state preys on the poor and uneducated to gain the buying and selling of children to line their coffers. The people at the County level involved in this are Stephanie Smith Case Work. She is the sixth case worker my daughter has had. She is now on her seventh case plan. Whenever she gets one plan almost completed they throw another one at her so she will never get done. This is to make it easier to beat her down. They are also forcing her to take mind altering drugs because they say she is bipolar. They are doing this so she will be in a zombie like state so she will sign over her children.

She was in a very abusive relationship and has just gotten out of it. She doesn’t need any more abuse from the state. That is a whole different story. The bottom line is the state has become the abuser instead of the father of her children. Instead of helping her get out – get a place to live and get her grounded they are abusing her by threats, intimidation and lack of legal council.

The other people from the state involved are Judge Joe Guidry, Family Court, Elizabeth Patrick Supervisor DFCS Jackson County, D.M. Brandon COSA.

Once someone has their children yanked by DFCS they are not allowed to see any alleged evidence, they are not allowed to bring witnesses in court to testify on their behalf, they are not allowed discovery ergo they have no way to fight the alleged charges against them. DFCS will never file criminal charges because if they do then they have to turn over the evidence and this is not something they want to do. The reason, they will be found out.

Samantha’s PD is one Candrell Heard who is with the Jackson County PD’s office. He can’t even get the records from DFCS – They say they are covered under the confidentiality clause. Even a murderer or rapist or pedophile is allowed discovery and allowed to face their accuser.

I have contacted the Governor’s office several times – to no avail they keep passing the buck to The STATE OF GEORGIA . They in turn pass the buck. The reason is simple they are covering up the fact that they are trying to make money off of my three grandchildren. A Total of up to 18,000.00

Samantha is currently living with her older sister. She has tried to get in touch with SECTION 8 Housing and can never get through. She has applied for several jobs, but as we all know the economy is so bad most people can’t even get a job paying attention.
When she was in front of the kangaroo Panel last Friday which consisted of Elizabeth Patrick, D.M. Brandon and a few others she was again threatened, harassed and intimidated. She was not allowed to have her attorney with her. She was not allowed to have witnesses present and she was not allowed to fight for her children. They told her she had until the end of the month before they demanded she sign them over.
I need your help in exposing the buying and selling of her children by the State of Georgia. I need your help in showing what they do to the poor and uneducated. This is not the first time it is happening all over the country. I have hundreds of stories. They prey on the poor and uneducated they beat them down and rip them apart. They abuse the parent and the child.

In Samantha’s case, they took the place of her abusive boyfriend only they are worse.
She can be reached at her sister’s house 706- 983-1171 – They live on Grove Level Rd in Maysville, Ga.

I will be leaving to go out of the County from Nov 22-Dec 6 I can be reached at ysam51@yahoo.com my home phone is 772-879-3400 my cell is 770-289-9537.

This is not right. I will be sending a copy of this letter to the other stations , as well as others.
I am begging for your help. She nor her children deserve this abuse. They love her and she loves them. Her only crime was she is poor and she was abused.

Regards,

Yvonne Mason

Jackson County Georgia Department of Family and Child Services The Abuse Continues

These are the Victims of the Abuse of Jackson County DFCS

Last week Samantha had to go before a panel in Jackson County, Georgia. This panel was comprised of Elizabeth Patrick the superivsor of Jackson County, Ga. DFCS and D. M. Brandon of COSA. Along with others.

The job of this panel was set up to emotionally abuse my daughter Samantha even more. Now for those of you who have no idea what happens when someone loses their children, they are not allowed to face their accusers, they are not allowed to see the charges and they are not allowed to present their witnesses either in court or in front of this kangaroo panel. The parent can been threatned, insulted and verbally abused and they can’t do anything about it.

   When Samantha was in front of this panel Rebecca Boles from COSA told Samantha that it was time she signed over her rights as a parent to basicly the three girls could be sold to an adoptive family for the sum of roughly $18,000.00 per the Adoptin and Safe Families Act.

  To add to the abuse of Samantha, DFCS is trying to force her to take meds for a bi polar disorder which she doesn’t have.  None of these people are qualifed to make that kind of decision. They don’t understand that our family is very drug sensitive and drugs affect us differently than most people. Samantha has told them the drugs make her like a zombie. This is just another trick to keep her from being on her toes to fight the injustice and the crimes DFCS is trying to perpatrate on her. They figure if she is drugged up then she will sign over her children. That is not going to happen.     

 

  Diedra Shands who is an advocate for the children sat in that room and never opened her mouth. Stephanie Smith Samantha’s case worker dropped her head and remained silent as well. These two women have been part of the abuse of Samantha since day one along with Rebeeca Boles and the entire office of Jackson County Georgia DFCS.

    I have written four letters to Judge Guidry who is the Family Court Judge in Samantha’s defense and he hasn’t even had the professional courtesty to respond. When she went to court she had witnesses there to speak on her behalf and Diedra Shands asked the Judge not to allow them in the courtroom.

    The day of the panel the Foster Mother Donna Webb brought Samantha’s girls and the little one who is five refused to have anything to do with her mother. This is abuse in it’s simplest and worst form. The state is the abuser. The foster mother is not far behind. She was told by Deidra and Rebecca that the children would be up for adoption. To add insult to injury Samantha’s lawyer was not there to watch her back. I have no idea where he was. He is becoming part of the problem as well. He doesn’t return emails or phone calls.  

     When Samantha went in front of the panel she was told that her oldest childest Shawna had been put on Ritlin as well as another mind altering drug simply because the foster mother didn’t want to deal with her. Sam was never notified. Again abuse. Shawna has never been tested by a psychologist who speicilizes in children with disiblities. It was prescribed by a regular doctor. They are going to not only retard her brain, but break her spirit as well. Again the abuse continues.

         This is just the beginning. My next blog will be about all the letters I have sent out to Gov. Sonny Perdue, the  senator for that district, all the TV stations in Atlanta and the newspapers. It is time for the abuse to come to a halt. It is time for DFCS to learn they have no right to steal children and then sell them to the highest bidder. They can’t continue to make their payroll on the backs of poor women.

         Not only is Samantha being abused by DFCS her children are too. They are being denined their mother and a quality of life they are entitled to with her. They are being denined the love of their mother. They are being rasied by strangers who could care less about them. All they want is the money they will receive if they adopt them which comes to between 500-700.00 per month per child until they are 18 years old again this is thanks to the Adoption and Safe Famlies Act which was Signed into law by William Jefferson Clinton when he was in the White House.

       This is more than a tragedy it is a travesty. It should be criminal. Even rapist and murders are allowed to face their accusers. They can’t hide behind the clock of anninimity – It is time to make DFCS face the fact that they have no right to do this to women who have children and who are poor or abused by their partners.

    IT is time to fight back

He Was Supposed to Protect and Defend Instead He Threatened and Harm

DELRAY BEACH, Fla. — A Delray Beach police officer has been arrested on aggravated assault and battery charges.

Roldry Philias

Boynton Beach police said Roldry Philias, 34, choked his wife and pointed a gun at her in front of her son and their 11-month-old daughter during a domestic dispute at their home Thursday.

According to a probable cause affidavit, Philias’ wife told police she and her husband had been arguing throughout the day. When she attempted to leave, Philias let the air out of her vehicle’s tires, tampered with the engine and locked her in the garage.

Police said that as Philias’ wife was trying to get back in the house, Philias placed her in a choke hold, retrieved one of his guns from the kitchen cabinet and pointed it at her head, threatening her.

During an interview with detectives, according to the affidavit, the son of Philias’ wife said Philias pointed a gun at “my mommy’s face and mouth” and “pulled a knife on me.”

According to the affidavit, Philias denied pointing a gun at her or assaulting her and said his wife pressed a knife against his stomach.

Delray Beach police said Philias has been placed on paid administrative leave until further notice.

The Abuse Continues and Jackson County Georgia Child Protective Services is the Abuser

These are the children who are on the auction block by Jackson County DFCS in Jackson County Georgia

As most of you know my daughter Samantha Thomason has written a couple of blogs on this site. Well things for her have gotten worse. Jackson County Georgia Department of Family and Children Services are trying to strong arm her into signing over her children. They have no grounds for this stealing of her children. However, they are going to try and sell her children under the guise of the Adoption and Safe Families Act which was signed into law by Bill Clinton which gives the county up to 6000.00 per child that is adopted out. To add insult to injury the adopting family will make between 500- 700.00 per month per child until they reach 18 years old.

  They have become bigger abusers than her boyfriend ever was.    

  Jackson County Georgia along with Rebecca last name unknown, Stephanine Smith DFCS case worker and Deidre last name unknown  have now become the abusers. Instead of giving Samantha a hand up they are punishing her because she is poor, the economy is bad and jobs are non existent in Jackson County – and housing  has a waiting line three days long. The family court judge refuses to listen and refuses to allow her any witnesses.

    DFCS uses the excuse that the records are protected and her laywer can’t even get them as discovery. The reason they have no case. However, they continue to brow beat her- mentally abuse her threaten her and intimadate her – trying to force he to sign away her children.

    This should be illegal they should be charged with abuse.

   They won’t charge her with a criminal act because if they do then they have to turn over the files in discovery and they have no case.

    It is time for her to stop being abused by the system. It is time they give her the children back and shut this thing down.

    They will be responsible for the consequences .

Yvonne Mason,

Tragedy In Tin Can Holler By Rozetta Mowery – A True Story of Abuse

“Tragedy in Tin Can Holler” is a captivating must read true story of a family’s past transgressions revealing a family member who was a serial killer that got away with murder during the great depression, incest and child abuse, lies and betrayals and domestic violence buried for decades! The vicious murder of the author’s mother haunted her for 48 years, but discovering the truth about her mother’s murder was just the tip of the iceberg. Her story is spell-bounding as she unveils the hidden secrets that shocked the residents of 3 counties in southeast Tennessee. This book has also been made into a documentary. This hard cover version has some new material.

Man Who Threatend GirlFriend With a Knife Given Three Years Probation

This is a grave injustice for the victim. This is also why domestic abuse victims don’t report abuse. Next time he will probably finish the job. This is a travesty.

 

 

FORT PIERCE — A 56-year-old man accused of holding a former girlfriend down by the throat and cutting her was sentenced Thursday to three years’ probation. Donald W. Gayle, 56, of Port St. Lucie, originally had been charged with attempted murder in connection with the April 7 incident. At a hearing Thursday before Circuit Judge Dan Vaughn, he pleaded no contest to a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. According to a Port St. Lucie Police Department report, Gayle and the 46-year-old woman lived in a house with at least one other roommate. Gayle reportedly asked the woman if she had a new boyfriend and she said no. According to the report, Gayle held her down on a bed by her neck and made “aggressive attacking motions with the knife trying to stab her,” saying he was going to kill her. Powell sustained minor cuts on her left wrist and upper back before a roommate broke up the altercation. When the woman tried to leave, Gayle reportedly grabbed a knife and followed her but dropped it when the roommate told him to.

Another Reason That Proves TRO’s Don’t Work

Man faces charges of kidnapping wife again By Dewayne Patterson The Daily Sentinel Published October 27, 2009 – Updated 53 minutes ago A Rainsville man is in the Jackson County Jail on a $300,500 bond after being charged with kidnapping his estranged wife for the second time this month. According to Captain Eric Woodall, James Aubrey Brown, 61, arrived at his estranged wife’s home on County Road 81 in Flat Rock Friday. “He allegedly forced the wife and her mother into the home,” Woodall said. “Then he took the wife and left in a vehicle.” Brown was arrested later in the day by the Rutherford County Sheriff’s Department in Tennessee. “His wife was with him,” Woodall said. “She was uninjured.” Brown was charged with two counts of Kidnapping First Degree and Violation of Protection Order. He was transported to the Jackson County Jail Friday. This is the second time this month Brown has been charged with violating a protection order. On Oct. 7, Brown was charged after allegedly breaking into his wife’s home and holding her at knife point. He left the residence at some point and was later arrested at Caperton Chapel Church on County Road 14 in the Fabius community. Brown was currently out on bond after being charged with Burglary First Degree, Kidnapping First Degree and Violation of Protection Order.

Becoming a Survivor of Domestic Abuse instead of a Victim

It is funny how words define who a person is and how they make their way in the world. It is also funny how others precieve a person who has survived domestic abuse.  The typical tag for those of us who have been in abusive relationships is “Victim”. I agree we were victims when we were in that relationship. We were victims when we were physically beat until we wanted to die. We were victims when those abusers manipulated, and conned us. We were victims.

   However, that all changed when we were able to get out and cut those ties. I no longer chooses to be a victim. That word breeds all kinds of emotional baggage. It also sets me up to continue to be a victim in other relationships. It is like wearing a sign that says “Here I am Abuse Me.” I instead choose to say I am a survivor of Domestic Abuse. That word means that while I might have been abused I came through it. I no longer allow another human man or woman to mentally, emotionally or physically harm me in any way. I no longer allow another person to control what I think – say or do.

     Because I am a survivor I make my own choices, I think my own thoughts and I believe my own beliefs. I know who I am I know what I am about and I know that I am somebody. I am a survivor because he no longer has control.

   Being a survivor I am  capable of handling any situation be it in the work place- personal relationship or anything else that is thrown my way. Because I am a survivor  I no longer allow anyone to talk down to me- at me or through me.   I no longer put up with guilt that is not mine, intimadation, threats or loudness. I don’t have to. I have been there done that and moved on. I am stronger because of the abuse- I know how to fight back and  I know how to take care of myself.

     As a survivor I know that I don’t need anyone to make me special – I am special and I am a good person. A victim on the other hand continues to travel down that rabbit hole of insecurity- self doubt and self loathing. They continue to carry guilt that is not theirs and they continue to allow others to pull their emotional strings. A survivor cuts all of that out of their life. They don’t need it to move on.

      The difference between a survivor and a victim is the victim never learns. They get back into bad relationships, they don’t leave at the first red flag and they don’t love themselves.

      Isn’t it time that you stopped being a victim and started being a survivor- It could mean the difference between life and death.

The Lives of Abused and Battered Women By Barbara Ann Hart

The Lives of Abused and Battered Women

By Author: Barbara Ann Hart

Reviewed by Fran Lewis

When a woman believes that it is okay to become someone’s punching bag she is sending herself a poor message. When a woman feels that she has the inability to place the fault on the person who is punching her and creating the abuse, she needs to rethink and reaffirm her rights as a person and whom she really is.

There are many kinds of abuse that people endure throughout their lives. Whether it is child, sexual, physical, emotion, intimidation or verbal abuse, it is still wrong and the abuser needs to be dealt with and made to realize that their actions and words will not go unpunished.

Emotional abuse is more harmful and detrimental than you think. The scars are hidden and cannot be seen on the outside but  are ever lasting ones that often destroy the person’s self-esteem, self-respect and feelings of self-worth. No one has the right to do this to anyone in any way.

As our author so brilliantly tells her story and shares the many experiences she encountered when dealing with different types of abuse and abusers, we learn some serious lessons that must be taught and remembered by all women. One of the worst things that can happen to a person as described by the author is being made to feel that you are worthless and not good enough to be in anyone’s air space and because of that you deserve the poor hand that you are being dealt. Men often abuse women because they have low self images, low self-esteem and in order to make themselves feel self-important and more in control, they try intimidation, fear, guilt, shame and physical harm in order to take strong, powerful and intelligent women down into the pits of the gutter where these men really reside.

As the author shares many of the true life incidents that she went through and others close to her too,  we learn that men often become violent and abusive when women are more successful than they are, have better jobs, can handle difficult issues better than they can and can move on in many different directions when things do not work out for them. They demean and verbally insult the women causing some women to self-inflict their own abuse on themselves by feeling they deserve to be unhappy when their partner is too. NO YOU ARE NOT!

Women need to realize that who and what they are is just fine. Take a paper and make a list of all the things that you want for yourself and in life and post it on a wall in a room, bulletin board in just in notebook. At the top of the list label it THIS IS WHAT I WANT FOR ME in order to make your life go on an uphill climb. Our author related stories about women who felt the need to put the desires of men ahead of theirs and were often deflated and left alone when the desires were met and they found someone else to fill them in what they feel might be a better way. Take that list and add to it what you want in a partner and the qualities that you both should have to make the relationship work. Then, decide what you need for your success and do not settle for less.

The one thing that my mother taught me and I have never forgotten till this day is to be financially independent of any man whether a husband, boyfriend or anyone and never ask for anything that you cannot get for yourself. Marriage is a definite partnership with each party sharing the responsibilities whether financial, household chores and more. But, when one person forgets his place and decides that mistreating the other is the only way he can find an excuse to wander, leave and default on his responsibilities, it is your job to show him the door and keep it locked or better yet change the locks. She also taught me after many years of learning the hard way, that you must never love someone more than they love you and put your needs at the top of the list.

The message conveyed in this book is meant for  women and men. No one has the right to debase, demoralize or diminish the inner soul, inner being and inner core of another person. There are many gears people use when driving a car and the one that you must never use when dealing in a relationship is reverse. Move ahead and drive and establish yourself as a brave, courageous and independent women who can manage on her own and when she feels the need for companionship it will be on her terms and with the understanding that her rights and feelings will not be violated.

The author tells about women and describes how they cheat with other women’s partners whether married or not. These women are not as self-assured as you would think. They need control and they need to feel important and in order to do that they prey on good; kind and unsuspecting women who they feel are weaker than they are and will succumb to their rude and mentally dismantling ways. Men who cheat do it to feel virile, dominant and in their own terms manlier. Not so, they are just are little boys who want to feel grown up in an adult’s body and if the situation were reversed and you left them, they will not see it as anything that they might have done but blame it on you.

It takes a woman of courage, valor and integrity to open her life and her heart to her readers and share her experiences with us in order to inspire and teach other women and even men that any kind of abuse is wrong and we will not stand for it. Women often demean and can be hurtful when a man loses his job or becomes ill and cannot work. Inexcusable. But, when that same man does not appreciate the loyalty, kindness and compassion afforded to him by his companion or partner, then he needs a lesson in more than just plain humility and kindness. Life is meant to be spent doing what makes us happy and brings joy into our hearts and minds. God is watching over all of us and will always be there when we need him.

Barbara Ann Hart has written a book that is meant to remind us everyone is unique and special in his or her own right. Everyone has a voice and it must never be silenced. Everyone is capable of love and when someone denies you that love or makes you feel less than whom you are, do what you do when you are typing and you make a mistake-DELETE him from your life and start over again.

Here is my message to you:

Barbara you have surely eased the pain of many by writing this book.

Barbara you have made many including this reviewer stronger in mind and heart by having read your book.

Barbara you are an amazing woman who will not stand for anyone hurting her or those close to you. You deserves God’s blessing and strength and kindness.

 

Diamonds are the most precious and valuable stones. Their worth never goes down. To every woman out there: YOU ARE MORE PRECIOUS THAN THE HOPE DIAMOND OR THE LARGEST STONE IN Cartier’s OR HARRY Winston’s. WOMEN UNITE: FAIR WARNING: NEVER AGAIN: NO MORE! WOMEN UNITE: SISTERS ONE AND FOR ALL!

 

This is a great book and I never give stars: I give this book FIVE RAYS OF GOLDEN SUNSHINE: NO MORE CLOUDS OR STORMS IN YOUR LIFE
Fran Lewis: Reviewer

 

The Classic Definition of Abusers is Psychopaths and Pathalogical Liars

As both a survivor of Domestic Abuse and someone who has a degree in Criminal Justice, I have learned the lessons well of the abuser. I know their definition and their habits, their personalities and their give aways probably better than anyone else.

Domestic  abusers are classic psychopaths and pathalogical liars. The definition of a psychopath is someone who “lacks the physiological responses normally ssociated with fear. In other words, they have no fear of pain or punishment for their actions. They don’t even think about the unpleasant emotion or the powerful motivatior behind their actions. They have no ability to see the consequences of what their actions might bring. The phone calls to the police station, being arrested, committing a felony. They just don’t think about it or if they do think about it they don’t really care what happens because they know they will lie their way out of it.

    Abusers, are usually very charming, manipulative and perssasive. They have the uncanny ability to lie their way out of any situation. The one time I was convinced by my abuser to attend counsling- I was told I had the problem. He told the person we were talking with that he had no idea what my problem was. He just couldn’t do anything with me. The counsler agreed with him.

  Abusers know who to play the system. They know how to say and do the right thing to convince others they are not the problem. They use their ablity to weave a story that convices even the most seasoned professional.They use their ablity to lie so well that even professionals are taken in. They know how to make one lie feed into another and yet still another until the threads are so interwoven if there is any truth it is covered up by the lies. Then when they are done, they laugh about how they got one over on the professional.

   Abusers/psychopaths know how to appear dramatic with short lived= shallow emotions. They equate love with sex, sadness with frustration and anger with irritablity.  They have no clue how to emotionaly invest in a relationship.

        Abusers are always psychopaths. They may not always kill – but they will always abuse. They will always lie and they will always charm and manipulate. They will always lack the ablity to fear the consequences and they will always blame others when they are finally brought down.

    They know how to keep the abused under their thumb by using their ablity to lie, charm and manipulate. They are con artist who can make the victim really believe they are the ones who are at fault.

The Definition of Insanity- Doing the Same Thing Over and Over Expecting A Different Result

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over expecting a different result. This is what happens with abuse. The same thing is done over and over and over again and the result is always the same. What do I mean by this you ask.

  The victim finally makes a decision to leave. She has planned and planned and finally she leaves. She gets away from the abuse and starts a new life. All goes well for a while. She has her life in order her children are safe, she is safe and she feels good about her life. She may have a new job, a new set of friends and a new life.

   Then one day there is a knock on the door. He is standing there with flowers, a big smile and all kinds of promises that he is a changed man. He has gotten help, he knows what he did was wrong and all he wants to  is to be friends. “After all they have children together.”

    The children see their dad standing in the door, he looks different he is not threatening their mom and he really looks like he is happy to see everybody. She looks at the children, she sees the expectation in their eyes. She thinks to herself, “I really want him in their life – after all he is their father.” So she lets him in.

  They will just be friends, after all she is stronger, she is safe and she feels protected. What could happen?

    The abuser, is in. Yes, it is just a crack- he is after only going to be there for his children. But he is in. At first he is the perfect person. He understands he must call before he comes over and he must never show up without calling. After all he must respect her. He can only see the kids when it is convienant for her and they will split up the holidays. After all he is their father and he does love them.

    All seems to be working out. He calls when it is his weekend to get the children and a time is agreeded upon for him to pick them up. He will have them home by a certain time. This also works fine for a time.

   After a few weeks, he shows up one day without calling. He says he was just in the neighborhood and wanted to drop off this gift for the kids. Well, okay she thinks just this once but he has to call -. Not a problem he says. The kids are excited, they get to see dad and he has gifts.

   A few weeks later she comes home from a date and after the date leaves, he knocks on the door. He was just in the neighborhood and wanted to know if he could tell the children goodnight. Plus he is going out of town over the weekend and he won’t get to see them before he goes.

    Almost innocently he asks who the guy was that just left. She is still comfortable with this arrangement after all she has changed she is stronger and in control. So she tells him – He says nothing. Shortly he leaves. She doesn’t see him for a couple of weeks, he must have been out of town.

   One night she comes home from a date. He is waiting on her front porch. Awkardly she introduces him to her date. Then she ask what is he doing there. He tells her he just got back into town and wanted to see the kids. She tells him they are at the sitters and he offers to go get them. She tells him they are staying over night. He isn’t happy, but he controls his anger. She tells him that she is free to do whatever she wants to – they are no longer married.

    He leaves the date is uncomfortable and the evening is ruined.

    A few days go by and he drops by again, this time he has no excuse. She tries to get him to leave, he refuses, she says she will call the police. He pulls the phone cord out of the wall. She tries to leave he hits her. The same thing is happening again.

   The insanity has started again. The neighbors hear the fighting they call the police – the police show up and arrest him. She gets another TRO (temporary restraining order) he bails out of jail. He is angier then he was the first time around. He is going to show her. She won’t get away with messing wtih him.

    He shows back up at her house, she is there the children are there the only difference is this time he has a gun.

    The next call to the police include a crime scene unit and body bags.

   The insanity was she did the same thing over and over and expected a different result.

   The Moral- once you are out – stay out- don’t get drawn back into his control. Keep him away from you and any children. He won’t change- he will only kill you!

Domestic Violence Against Men By the Mayo Clinic Staff

Domestic violence against men isn’t always easy to recognize, but it can be a serious threat. Consider ways to break the cycle.

By Mayo Clinic staff

Women are more often the victims of domestic violence — but domestic violence affects men, too. Understand the signs of domestic violence against men, and know how to get help.

Recognize domestic violence against men

Domestic violence — also known as domestic abuse, battering or intimate partner violence — occurs between people in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence against men can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse. It can happen in heterosexual or homosexual relationships.

It might not be easy to recognize domestic violence against men. Early in the relationship, your partner may seem attentive, generous and protective in ways that later turn out to be controlling and frightening. Initially, the abuse may appear as isolated incidents. Your partner may apologize and promise not to abuse you again.

In other relationships, domestic violence against men may include both partners slapping or shoving each other when they get angry — and neither partner seeing himself or herself as being abused or controlled. But this type of violence can still devastate a relationship, causing both physical and emotional damage.

You may be experiencing domestic violence if your partner:

• Calls you names, insults you or puts you down
• Prevents you from going to work or school
• Stops you from seeing family members or friends
• Tries to control how you spend money, where you go or what you wear
• Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful
• Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs
• Threatens you with violence or a weapon
• Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets
• Assaults you while you’re sleeping, drunk or not paying attention to make up for a difference in strength
• Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will
• Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it

You may also be experiencing domestic violence if you’re in a same-sex relationship with a man who:

• Threatens to tell friends, family, colleagues or community members your sexual orientation or gender identity
• Tells you that authorities won’t help a homosexual, bisexual or transgendered person
• Tells you that leaving the relationship means you’re admitting that homosexual relationships are deviant
• Tells you that abuse is a normal part of homosexual relationships or that domestic violence can’t occur in homosexual relationships
• Justifies abuse by telling you that you’re not “really” homosexual, bisexual or transgender
• Says that men are naturally violent
• Portrays the violence as mutual and consensual
• Rationalizes the abuse as part of a sadomasochistic activity

Children and abuse

Domestic violence affects children, even if they’re just witnesses. If you have children, remember that exposure to domestic violence puts them at risk of developmental problems, psychiatric disorders, problems at school, aggressive behavior and low self-esteem. You may worry that seeking help may further endanger you and your children, or that it may break up your family. Fathers may fear that abusive partners will try to take their children away from them. But getting help is the best way to protect your children — and yourself.

Break the cycle

If you’re in an abusive situation, you may recognize this pattern:

• Your abuser threatens violence.
• Your abuser strikes you.
• Your abuser apologizes, promises to change and offers gifts.
• The cycle repeats itself.

Typically the violence becomes more frequent and severe over time.

Domestic violence may leave you depressed and anxious. You may be more likely to abuse alcohol or drugs or engage in unprotected sex. Domestic violence can even trigger suicide attempts. Because men are traditionally thought to be physically stronger than women, you may be less likely to talk about or report incidents of domestic violence in your heterosexual relationship due to embarrassment or fear of ridicule. Similarly, a man being abused by another man may be reluctant to talk about the problem because of how it reflects on his masculinity. Additionally, if you seek help, you may confront a shortage of resources for male victims of domestic violence. Health care providers and other contacts may not think to ask if your injuries were caused by domestic violence, making it harder to open up about abuse. They may minimize the significance of the abuse because you’re a man. You may also fear that if you talk to someone about the abuse, you’ll end up being accused of wrongdoing yourself. But remember, if you’re being abused, you aren’t to blame — and help is available.

Start by telling someone about the abuse, whether it’s a friend, relative, health care provider or other close contact. At first, you may find it hard to talk about the abuse. But you’ll also likely feel relief and receive much-needed support.

Create a safety plan

Leaving an abuser can be dangerous. Consider taking these precautions:

• Call a domestic violence hotline for advice. Make the call at a safe time — when the abuser isn’t around — or from a friend’s house or other safe location.
• Pack an emergency bag that includes items you’ll need when you leave, such as extra clothes and keys. Leave the bag in a safe place. Keep important personal papers, money and prescription medications handy so that you can take them with you on short notice.
• Know exactly where you’ll go and how you’ll get there, even if you have to leave in the middle of the night.

Protect your communication

An abuser may use technology to monitor your telephone and Internet communication and to track your physical location. To maintain your privacy and safety:

• Use cordless phones and cell phones cautiously. Your abuser may intercept calls and listen to your conversations. He or she may check your cell phone to see who has called or texted you. Your abuser also may check billing records to see your complete call history.
• Use your home computer cautiously. Your abuser may use spyware to monitor your e-mails and the Web sites you visit. Consider using a computer at work, at the library or at a friend’s house to seek help.
• Frequently change your e-mail password. Choose a password that would be impossible for your abuser to guess.
• Clear your viewing history. Follow your browser’s instructions to clear any record of Web sites or graphics you’ve viewed.

Where to seek help

In an emergency, call 911, your local emergency number or your local law enforcement agency. The following resources also can help:

• Someone you trust. Turn to a friend, relative, neighbor, co-worker or religious or spiritual advisor for support.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE or 800-799-7233. The hotline provides crisis intervention and referrals to resources.
• Your health care provider. Doctors and nurses will treat injuries and may refer you to other local resources.
• A counseling or mental health center. Counseling and support groups for people in abusive relationships are available in most communities. Be wary of advice to seek couples or marriage counseling. If violence has escalated to the point that you’re afraid, counseling may not be a good option.
• A local court. Your district court can help you obtain a restraining order that legally mandates the abuser to stay away from you or face arrest. Local advocates may be available to help guide you through the process.

Domestic violence against men can have devastating effects. Although you may not be able to stop your partner’s abusive behavior, you can seek help. Remember, no one deserves to be abused.

Facts About Domestic Abuse

Facts About Domestic Violence What is domestic violence? Domestic violence, or intimate partner violence, occurs when one person causes physical or psychological harm to a current or former intimate partner. It includes all acts of violence within the context of family or intimate relationships. Besides being the leading cause of injury to women in the United States (a woman is beaten every 15 seconds), it is an issue of increasing concern because of its negative effect on all family members, especially children. While accurate information on the extent of domestic violence is difficult to obtain because of under-reporting, some aspects of the problem are known: Domestic violence is not confined to any one socioeconomic, ethnic, religious, racial or age group and knows no geographic or educational boundaries. It also occurs within teenage relationships and among same-sex partnerships. About one out of every four women in America will be physically assaulted or raped by an intimate partner at some point in their lives. In fact, American women are more likely to be assaulted, injured, raped or killed by a male partner than by any other type of assailant. Estimates of assaults on women by partners range from approximately 2 million to 4 million annually in the United States. The majority of women killed at work are murdered by a current or former intimate partner. What are the signs of domestic violence? If you believe you may be in an abusive relationship, here are some questions to ask yourself: Have you ever been physically hurt, such as being kicked, pushed, choked or punched, by your partner or ex-partner? Has your partner ever used the threat of hurting you or members of your family to get you to do something? Has your partner ever injured or abused your pets? Has your partner ever destroyed your property or things that you care about? Has your partner tried to keep you from seeing your family, going to school or doing other things that are important to you? Do you feel like you are being controlled or isolated by your partner? For instance, does your partner control your money, transportation, activities or social contacts? Have you ever been forced by your partner to have sex when you did not want to or to have unsafe sex? Is your partner jealous and always questioning whether you are faithful? Does your partner regularly blame you for things that you cannot control, or for his/her violent outbursts? Does your partner regularly insult you? Are you ever afraid of your partner or of going home? Does he/she make you feel unsafe? There are other signs of domestic violence that observers might see in a relative or friend who is in an abusive relationship. They include: being prone to “accidents” or being repeatedly injured having injuries that could not be caused unintentionally or that do not match the story of what happened to cause them having injuries on many different parts of the body, such as the face, throat, neck, chest, abdomen or genitals having bruises, burns or wounds that are shaped like teeth, hands, belts, cigarette tips or that look like the injured person has a glove or sock on (from having a hand or foot placed in boiling water) having wounds in various states of healing often seeking medical help or, conversely, waiting to seek or not seeking medical help even for serious injuries showing signs of depression using alcohol or other drugs attempting suicide What are the health effects of domestic violence? Besides the obvious physical injuries, domestic violence can lead to depression, anxiety, panic attacks, substance abuse and post-traumatic stress disorder. Abuse also might trigger suicide attempts or psychotic episodes. How can you leave an abusive partner? Leaving an abuser can be dangerous. In order to do it as safely as possible, you should plan ahead and take the following precautions: Pack a bag ahead of time that will be available to take with you when you decide it is the safest time to leave. Include items such as extra clothes, important papers, money, extra keys and prescription medications. Know exactly where you will go and how you will get there. Call a local women’s shelter or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) to find out about legal options and resources available to you. While making plans to leave, avoid making long-distance phone calls from home of using a cell phone. An abuser could trace long-distance calls to find out where you are going or intercept your cell phone conversations using a scanner. Also, be aware that the abuser may be able to monitor your Internet activities and access your e-mail account. Where can you turn to for help? In an emergency situation, call 911 or your local law enforcement agency. If you are not in immediate danger, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-Safe (7233), which provides crisis intervention and referrals to in-state or out-of-state resources, such as women’s shelters or crisis centers. What is the law on domestic violence in Illinois? The Illinois Domestic Violence Act of 1986 focused more government effort on this problem. These efforts were further bolstered by recent Illinois Supreme Court rulings putting more “teeth” into the law by effectively mandating that law enforcement act to protect victims of domestic abuse. According to Illinois law, police officers must take steps to protect a victim of domestic abuse whenever a family or household member has committed any act of abuse. The Illinois Elder Abuse and Neglect Act became law in 1988 and provided that people who report suspected abuse or cooperate with an investigation are not subject to criminal or civil liability or professional disciplinary action. It further provides that the identity of the reporter shall not be disclosed without the written permission of the reporter or by order of a court. Anonymous reports are accepted. The following hotlines can help women experiencing violence: National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233) Illinois Department of Human Services Domestic Violence Helpline 877-To End DV (877-863-6338) Elder Abuse Hotline 888-800-1409 The Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (RAINN) (automatically transfers you to the rape crisis center nearest you) 800-656-HOPE

Learning to Heal

Most people think that once the victim leaves the abuser and moves on that they are well for lack of a better word, healed. The sad part is that is not true. The victim will always have flashbacks. They will appear at the most unlikely moments and in the most unlikely places. It is almost like being back from combat. In fact it is a war of sorts.

 Once the victim is no longer surrounded by the abusesr she has to learn a new way of life. This makes her even more vunerable. It is comaparable to being a child again learning how to take care of one’s self. She has been isolated for so long that she has forgotten how to make real friends, keep a good job, take care of herself. She depended on the abuser because built that wall of isolation around her.

   She is uncharted waters and can and is often hurt even more by those who take advantage of that defenselessness. Men can sense this and they will prey on her and use her to their advantage. They use the lines “I will never hurt you”, “You can Trust me.” “I will never do to you what he did.” Those are the classics.

  But in reality, they do. When she becomes to clingy and to dependant on them, they bail, the reason, they really only wanted her for a short time. They didn’t want all the baggage. They didn’t want to help her heal. They wanted to use her for their own selfish motives. The sad part is the victim equates, physical attachment with emotional attachment.  So she is hurt again.

    Some women never ever become able to recover and to lead productive lives. They go from man to man looking for that which they can’t find. What they haven’t learned is that which they seek in within themselves. They don’t need that reassurance from somone else. They don’t need to be “loved” to be healed. They just need to look within.

         The first step toward healing is to find something that is enjoyable for the victim. It could be going back to school, starting a business, it doesn’t matter what as long as it is something that will help the victim heal from within.   Sometimes they might even need to leave the state and reinvent themselves in a new place.

      The second step in healing is to leave behind all the old friends that you and he had together. There are to many painful memories which resurface when those relationships are continued. Along the way the victim has outgrown those friends on many levels.

     Next comes the mental housekeeping that must be done. The victim has to dig deep inside her mental state and examine herself. She must come to grips with the fact that she didn’t make the abuse happen, she didn’t create the monster the abuse is and it is not her fault. She also must learn that no matter what poison he tries to fill the children’s head with, she is not at fault. Sadly the abuser loves to play this game especially when the victim leaves.

      The victim has to understand that he has lost control. So he will use every tool at his disposal to get her back. She must be always on her guard, and pay attention to not only what is said, but what is not said.

        One of the last steps for the victim is that she must learn to love herself. She must understand that she is a good person, that she has much to offer and that she can not only survive, but become productive and finally that she doesn’t have to depend on anyone to complete her happiness. She must learn to be happy within herself with her successes and with her world.

    No we as victims are never healed completly, however, we can learn to put the past where it belongs – know that it can’t be changed- that it is very much a part of who we are- and that we can be better, stronger and more productive becasue of it not in spite of it.